12 things you unknowingly do because you're secretly unhappy in your relationship

These overlooked behaviors often signal hidden unease in your relationship.

A woman and a man are sitting close together on a blue couch. Both have dark hair and are wearing casual tops, the woman in pink and the man in maroon. They are looking directly at the camera with neutral expressions.

While romantic relationships can be fulfilling, they can also be incredibly complex. Even if you think you’re content with your partner, you may engage in behaviors that express your dissatisfaction with them and not even realize it. If you’ve been sensing something “off” in your relationship but can’t put your finger on it, here are 12 behaviors to look out for.

1. Withholding affection.

A woman with a concerned expression leans towards a man with folded arms, both seated on a park bench. She appears to be talking or comforting him, while he looks away thoughtfully. Green trees and foliage are visible in the blurred background.

If you have been feeling disconnected from your partner, you might find yourself pulling away from them physically. Maybe you’re pretending to be sick to avoid being intimate, or you’re more hesitant to hold their hand or kiss them in public. Even if you’re not saying it, not being affectionate with your partner can be a subconscious way of expressing discontent.

2. Constant criticism.

A woman and a man are sitting at a cafe table with cups of coffee and a dessert. The woman looks concerned, resting her chin on her hand, while the man is talking and gesturing with his hands. The background features warm, hanging lights and wooden decor.

As you grow closer to your partner, there are likely going to be things about them that will sometimes annoy you. However, if this is a consistent pattern, or if little things–like the sound of them chewing–drive you mad, this could signify internal struggles involving feelings toward your partner.

3. Making excuses to avoid spending time with your partner.

A man with a beard and short hair stands outdoors among tall trees, wearing a green jacket with a fleece-lined hood and a black sweater. The background is softly blurred, showing a path and more trees, with a person in the distance.

One tell-tale sign of hidden unhappiness in a romantic relationship is doing whatever you can to not spend time with your partner. No matter your method of avoiding quality time with them, this can stem from wanting to avoid uncomfortable feelings or conversations about your feelings that you’re not ready to have.

4. Overanalyzing your feelings.

Black and white photo of a close-up of two people. One person, with long hair and closed eyes, appears calm and gently leans into the other person, who has their back to the camera. They are outside, with shadows cast on the ground in the background.

When you’re unhappy, you might find yourself over-analyzing every aspect of your relationship in order to make sense of your emotions. This could include constantly thinking about past conversations or fearing things are worse than they are. While it may feel like it’s helping, excessive rationalization can also serve as a coping strategy to avoid the root causes of your unhappiness.

5. Compartmentalizing your feelings.

A man and a woman sit outdoors, both holding and sipping from white ceramic cups. The woman is in focus and has light brown hair, while the man in the background has a beard. They appear to be enjoying a warm beverage.

Have you ever felt like you’re wearing a mask when you’re around your partner? No, it’s not the kind you wear with a Halloween costume; it’s the kind where you feel like you have to stay happy and positive around your partner despite your conflicting emotions. If that sounds like you, this could be cause for concern.

6. Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior.

A young woman sits on a couch with a distressed expression, arms folded, staring into the distance. Behind her, a man with a frustrated look gestures with one hand, seemingly trying to communicate. The background shows a modern kitchen.

When we’re frustrated or angry, we might express our feelings more discreetly, rather than being up-front about them. Examples of this kind of behavior include using excessive amounts of sarcasm or giving your partner the “silent treatment.” However, if passive-aggressive behavior is frequent between you or your partner, it could be a sign of issues in your relationship.

7. Withdrawing emotionally.

A woman wearing a colorful striped hat and scarf stands with her arms crossed and a sad expression. A man in the background, wearing a green scarf and dark jacket, appears out of focus. The scene is outdoors in a cold setting.

If you’ve ever heard of–or can relate to–being “checked out” of a relationship, that is a sure sign of unhappiness. This behavior usually arises from fear of vulnerability and lack of trust due to past conflicts. By shutting them out, you may think that you are protecting yourself from getting hurt, but in reality, it will only make things worse.

8. Daydreaming about a different life.

Close-up of a person staring thoughtfully into the distance. The image focuses on their eyes and part of their face, showing details of their skin texture, eyelashes, and eyebrows. The background features a warm, orange light, adding an ambient glow.

We’ve all had moments where we imagine ourselves in a different version of our lives. Who wouldn’t want to get lost in a daydream where you’re the president or a major pop star? But if your daydreams drift into thoughts about what life could be like without your partner, this could be a sign that you’re not satisfied in your current relationship.

9. Neglecting self-care.

A person with a knitted brown beanie and a nose piercing looks through rusty iron bars, gripping them with both hands. The individual has a focused expression and is clad in dark clothing. The background is blurred.

One of the most obvious ways unhappiness presents itself is in how much–or how little–you choose to take care of yourself. If activities you once loved before you met your partner no longer bring you joy, or you’re starting to neglect your physical health, it may be time to consider if your relationship has something to do with it.

10. Talking negatively about your relationship with friends and family.

Two women are seated and engaged in conversation at an outdoor café. The woman on the left is speaking, while the woman on the right listens attentively with a thoughtful expression. Both have long hair and are casually dressed, with sunglasses resting on their heads.

When you and your partner are going through a rough patch, it’s normal to want to lean on your family or friends for emotional support. However, this can be a slippery slope. If you find yourself constantly complaining about your partner to others, this could be your way of seeking validation from others because you feel unsafe or unheard in your relationship.

11. Dismissing or minimizing your partner’s concerns.

A woman with long brown hair in a leather jacket sits at a table, looking concerned with her hands near her mouth. She faces a person with curly hair and glasses, who is turned away from the camera. They are indoors, with a cup of coffee on the table.

Every couple is bound to argue at some point. If you and your partner get into disagreements often, it can take a mental toll. If you’re not happy with your partner, you may choose to ignore problems altogether instead of addressing them. This could be a way of “keeping the peace,” but it could also stem from thoughts that your partner isn’t worth fighting for anymore.

12. Giving up on mutual interests.

A person with medium-length dark hair is seen in close-up, standing behind a white metal railing. Their eyes are closed, and they appear to be in deep thought or relaxation, with soft sunlight casting shadows on their face.

Whether it’s a similar hobby or a shared love of a movie or TV show, having common interests can bring people closer. But if you notice yourself withdrawing from activities that you and your partner once enjoyed together, this can be a potential sign of hidden unhappiness. Sure, interests can change over time, but it could mean that your feelings toward your partner have also changed.