Are you doubting your ability?
Well, you aren’t the only one. We’ve all had those moments when we doubted our abilities or felt overwhelmed by life.
We think we’re not good enough for our job. Or we feel as though we don’t deserve our partner. Perhaps we even believe that our successes are accidents.
We fear we’re going to be exposed, lose everything, be embarrassed, or something equally tragic.
As you might imagine, that sort of mindset does not make for a happy life.
For most of us, this feeling passes as quick as it came. But for you, it lingers and grows, despite evidence to the contrary. Why is that?
Well, you’re probably experiencing at least one, if not many, of the below factors.
1. Low self-esteem.
When you have low self-esteem you don’t just feel incompetent in one area of your life. You feel that way in every area of your life.
Before you even try something new out, you’ve convinced yourself you’re going to suck at it. You’re certain the person you’re meeting for the first time won’t like you before you’ve even uttered a word.
The problem isn’t that you feel incompetent. The problem is you don’t like yourself and can’t imagine anyone else liking you either. You don’t believe in yourself and you sincerely think you suck at essentially everything.
2. Excessive comparison with other people.
When you objectively judge yourself or your performance, you’re pretty satisfied. Actually, you feel pretty good about what you do most days. You only feel incompetent when you start to compare yourself to others.
You compare your life to the lives of people you follow on social media. Maybe you look at other people’s accomplishments and feel yours are mediocre, if not poor.
Or perhaps you’ve noticed that your neighbor has bought yet another new car, while you’re stuck patching together your clunker.
When you compare your life with others, you feel defeated or like a failure.
3. Too much focus on past mistakes.
You don’t know how to move past your mistakes. Instead of learning from them, you fixate on them. You’re caught up in a cycle of self-criticism and rumination. You replay your mistakes over and over in your head.
You ask yourself, “How could I have been so stupid?” as you obsess about your past missteps.
When a new situation shows any similarity to what has happened, you become paralyzed by fear. You’re terrified you’ll make the same mistake as before.
Focusing on those moments when you’ve fallen short or made the wrong decision has become a heavy burden, weighing you down and eroding your self-confidence.
You’ve blown your mistakes out of proportion and you’re using them to define your self-worth and competence.
You’re unable to move forward or beyond your mistakes because you’ve not forgiven yourself nor released your grip on the guilt and shame of your error.
4. A fixed mindset.
You have a fixed mindset. That is, you believe your abilities and traits are set in stone and they can’t be changed. You believe you’re as smart as you’re ever going to be. There’s no room for growth or improvement. So you feel stuck with your lot in life.
You expect to fail when you step out of what you already know. This has led to a fear of taking on new challenges or trying new things. So you avoid them entirely and give up easily.
You see any failure as proof of your inherent flaws. Which ends up being a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy where you never reach your full potential because you’ve limited yourself in your mind.
5. A different way of learning.
You may feel incompetent because you don’t learn in the same way as everyone else. Perhaps you’ve been told, and you’ve come to believe, that you’re a slow learner.
In a society that prioritizes certain learning styles or academic achievements over others, learning and processing information differently often comes with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Maybe you struggle to understand information presented in a particular format.
Perhaps you feel overwhelmed by traditional teaching/learning methods.
Or do you feel left behind in a classroom or work setting that doesn’t consider diverse learning styles?
If any of these apply to you, it can be very easy to conclude you’re slow or just stupid.
You probably feel as though you don’t measure up to societal or educational standards. And because your method of learning isn’t popular, teachers and bosses don’t know how to cater to your needs. They often resort to labeling you as dumb or lazy, which further confirms your feelings of self-doubt.
6. Thoughts that are largely negative.
Your thoughts play a significant role in how you perceive yourself and your abilities. If your thoughts are largely negative, it’s not surprising you’re struggling with feeling incompetent.
When your inner dialogue is constantly critical, self-deprecating, or filled with self-doubt, it can create a toxic cycle that reinforces your feelings of inadequacy.
These negative thoughts can manifest as an internal dialogue that constantly tells you that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough to succeed.
This can show up in your life as a lack of confidence in your abilities, low motivation, or a habit of procrastinating. You may be reluctant to take on new challenges or live in fear of failure.
To prove your negative thoughts wrong and to boost your self-esteem, you may also find yourself seeking validation and approval from others.
7. Mental health difficulties.
Another reason you may be feeling incompetent is if you have a mental health issue.
Certain mental health conditions (like anxiety and depression) can impact your ability to focus, regulate emotions, and manage stress. This could lead to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.
If you’re struggling with a mental health issue, it can be hard to separate your symptoms from your abilities and accomplishments. You may suddenly have difficulty with once manageable tasks. Or maybe you’ve started avoiding situations that make you anxious.
You don’t know if your feelings are legitimate or symptoms of your mental illness. Trying to navigate all of this could make you feel as though you’re failing or falling behind, especially if you live or work in an environment where mental illness is stigmatized.
Other signs that a mental health challenge is behind your feelings of inadequacy include an inability to focus, make decisions, or believe in yourself.
Out of the blue, you’re struggling to meet deadlines. You’re unmotivated or feel overwhelmed by simple tasks. And these are all areas where you didn’t have issues before.
8. Expectations that are way too high.
Having unrealistic expectations of yourself could be the reason you feel incompetent.
When you hold yourself to impossibly high standards, it can be hard or often impossible to meet those expectations. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.
You frequently feel overwhelmed by your expectations or as though you’re falling short.
It may not even be that your expectations are too high. It might be that the expectations of others that you subject yourself to are too high. Other people in your life expect a lot from you and you don’t know how to set boundaries. So you bend over backward to meet their high standards.
Consistently failing to meet your expectations, realistic or not, can cause you to feel as though you never measure up. It can make you feel like you’re not good enough, regardless of your achievements or efforts.
9. Imposter syndrome.
Do you doubt your abilities or feel like a fraud? Are you waiting for people around you to discover you don’t know what you’re doing? Do you believe your achievements are due to just pure luck?
If you said yes to any of these questions, chances are you have a bad case of imposter syndrome. And this can be a significant factor in your negative feelings.
Imposter syndrome is the persistent belief that you are not as competent as others think you are. It’s the belief that your accomplishments are freak accidents, or due to external factors, instead of your abilities.
This can lead you to doubt yourself, despite evidence of your past achievements. It can push you to be in constant need of validation from others and fear failure.
Imposter syndrome can be emotionally draining and impact your self-esteem and confidence.
10. A lot of stress or responsibility.
Moving on to external factors now: the amount of stress you’re under can influence your mental and emotional health. If you’ve been under a lot of stress for a long time, your overall well-being has likely been negatively affected.
When you’re stressed, your brain is “shunting its resources because it’s in survival mode, not memory mode.” This is why you’re sometimes forgetful during stressful or emotionally taxing situations.
The pressure, overwhelm, and anxiety that comes with continued stress can also affect your ability to focus, make decisions, and perform optimally.
When you’re under constant stress, you can end up feeling as though you’re not meeting expectations and that you’re letting your responsibilities drop. You can become generally overwhelmed with everything that’s going on.
This can all heighten your feelings of incompetence. It can make even simple tasks feel overwhelming and challenging.
11. A new job.
Starting a new job can be overwhelming and stressful. There’s so much to learn and so many new people to meet. Not to mention the pressure of proving to your team that you are the right person for the role. This can lead to feelings of incompetence or self-doubt.
You may feel like you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re not catching on as quickly as you should, or you’re making silly mistakes. Perhaps you feel as if you’re not living up to the expectations of your colleagues or employer.
Adjusting to a new work environment is hard. And these feelings of inadequacy can affect your confidence and performance at work.
Unfortunately, this will only further reinforces your negative feelings. Especially as you work alongside colleagues who seem to have everything figured out.
12. A toxic boss.
We’ve all had one…sadly. Unfortunately, we live in a world where having a toxic boss is almost like a rite of passage. If you’re going to work for someone else, chances are you’re going to have a toxic boss at one point in your career. And having a toxic boss can have a major impact on your self-esteem at work.
When you have a boss who constantly criticizes, belittles, or micromanages you, the likelihood you’ll feel inadequate, anxious, depressed, or any number of negative emotions skyrockets.
You can remain positive for only so long in the face of unrelenting negativity. Eventually, your self-confidence will crack and you’ll start to doubt yourself when you have a boss who repeatedly undermines you and makes you feel like a failure.
You’ll start to question your skills, abilities, and even your intelligence. A toxic boss can also create a negative work environment that affects not only your motivation and productivity but also the team.
