12 Behaviors That Show Someone Isn’t As Nice As They Pretend To Be

People who do these things are not the nice characters they claim to be.

A woman with long dark hair is standing in front of a window with a wooden frame. She is wearing a black coat and a headband, gazing upwards with a thoughtful expression. The background shows reflections of buildings.

Have you noticed that many people who make a big display of being “nice” usually turn out to be complete nightmares? Keep an eye out for the following 12 behaviors, as they often offer insights into people’s true natures behind the “nice” facade.

1. They constantly talk about how nice they are.

A woman and a man are engaged in a cheerful conversation in a modern kitchen. The woman, wearing a burgundy sweater and jeans, sits on the counter, while the man, in a blue sweater, smiles back at her. The kitchen features wooden cabinets and green tiling.

People’s behaviors are usually self-evident, and folks are rarely what they claim to be. As such, if someone is constantly going on about what a nice, good person they are, they’re likely overcompensating massively. If they were as nice as they think they are, they wouldn’t have to broadcast it.

2. They like to make jokes, but can’t take them in turn.

A person with long dark hair stands indoors with arms crossed, looking to the side. They wear a light striped shirt. In the background, there's a green plant and an abstract painting on the wall.

They’ll make funny little jokes at other people’s expense, but get incredibly offended or upset if others turn those jokes around on them. Essentially, they’re paper tigers: they like to be the one dishing things out (supposedly playfully), but can’t take it when the tables are turned.

3. They pull power trips with serving staff.

A woman sitting at a cafe table looks upset and gestures while speaking to a waiter. She has a cup of coffee and a slice of cake in front of her. The waiter, wearing an apron, gestures with open hands. The setting is a cozy cafe with natural light.

These are the people who will send food back repeatedly if there’s any perceived issue with it, or insist that a barista re-makes their drink several times over until it tastes perfect. There may be nothing wrong with the item they ordered at all: they simply enjoy power-tripping.

4. They never take responsibility for any wrongdoing.

A woman with long dark hair wearing a red knit sweater stands in front of a blue background. She looks confused, shrugging her shoulders and raising her hands with palms up.

If they say or do anything that hurts or upsets someone else, they’ll gaslight them or get passive-aggressive. Some of the comments they’ll use defensively may include non-apologies like “I’m sorry you took it that way”, or they might imply that they were just reflecting the energy they were given.

5. They take neutral comments as personal attacks.

Two women are having a heated discussion. The woman on the left, with brown hair in a ponytail and wearing a blue shirt, gestures emphatically with her right hand. The woman on the right, with short red hair and a teal top, looks defensive with raised hands.

You might make a comment about how much you enjoy fresh orange juice, and they’ll think that you’re insulting them because they served packaged juice when they invited you to brunch last month…and if that’s how you feel, you horrible person, don’t expect them to invite you over ever again!

6. They boast about all the kind things they do for others.

A man with curly hair and a beard stands against a gray background. He is wearing a gray hoodie and has his hands placed on his chest, projecting a thoughtful or apologetic expression. His gaze is directed towards the camera.

They can’t do any volunteer work or donate to charity without announcing everything they’ve done. All they do needs to be seen and acknowledged by their peers and those they hold in high esteem, otherwise what’s the point? Kindness for its own sake doesn’t offer much reward for them.

7. They use condescension and one-upmanship about others’ experiences instead of support or encouragement.

Two young women are sitting on a couch in a well-lit living room. One with long brown hair listens attentively with her chin resting on her hand, while the other with long red hair speaks, gesturing with her hands. They appear to be engaged in a serious conversation.

You went downhill skiing for the first time last weekend, and enjoyed it? Oh, that’s so sweet! They’ve been going skiing in Switzerland since they were little, but don’t worry —you’ll get the hang of it all after a few tries. Maybe you’ll be able to afford decent skis one day too.

8. They litter.

A hand is shown tossing a plastic cup with a straw out of a car window on a rural road. Trees and a blue sky are in the background, highlighting an act of littering.

Many people who claim to be “nice” have no problems dropping garbage on the street or throwing it out the window, claiming that doing so will give someone else a job to do. They’ll leave meal waste for others to clean up, and won’t hesitate to toss things where others will have to deal with it.

9. They change the subject if they aren’t interested in what you’re saying.

A woman with a concerned expression sits on a couch, leaning her head on her hand, attentively listening to a man gesturing with his hands. The background includes a plant and part of a window with curtains.

They’ll feign superficial interest in what you’re saying, as long as you don’t go into detail about it. If you talk about something you love (but they have little interest in) for longer than a couple of minutes, their eyes glaze over and they’ll change the subject to something they prefer, instead.

10. Their involvement in other people’s lives is inconsistent.

A woman sitting on a sofa, wearing a striped sweater and jeans, looks at her phone with a thoughtful expression, inside a cozy room with a large window and bookshelves.

Essentially, they can’t be depended upon to be there when others need them. Rather, they weave in and out of other people’s lives in order to get their own needs and whims met, and when a situation doesn’t serve them directly, they find excuses to remove themselves from it.

11. They have something unpleasant to say about everyone.

Two women sitting and chatting at an outdoor café with a canal and buildings in the background. One woman, wearing a hat, holds a coffee cup while the other woman, wearing a patterned scarf, looks at her while speaking.

They may be nice and friendly to people when they’re around, but they’ll say truly awful things about them as soon as their backs are turned. If they’re being two-faced to others and insulting them as soon as they leave the room, you know that they insult you too.

12. Schadenfreude.

A smiling man with short curly hair and wearing a dark t-shirt is pointing towards the camera. He is standing indoors near a staircase with a brick wall in the background. His expression is joyful and engaging.

If they laugh at someone else’s misfortune, or find great humor and amusement if somebody gets hurt, that’s a huge red flag. Most of us will giggle if someone sneeze-farts, especially if it’s at school or at work, but finding sincere joy in someone else’s pain is deeply disturbing behavior.