If your partner is slowly checking out of your relationship, they’ll display these 12 behaviors

Has your partner checked out of your relationship?

A woman sits on a bed looking contemplative, with her head resting on her hand. In the background, a man sits facing away, near a window with crossed arms. The room is softly lit by natural light.

Many of us worry at times that our partners may not be particularly happy, and thus are vigilant about potential signs that they may be slowly checking out of the relationship. The behaviors listed below are some of the major ones they may exhibit if they’re on their way toward ending things with you.

1. They will get irritated by traits of yours they once found endearing.

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a white shirt, is standing in a kitchen with her hands raised in an expressive manner, speaking to a man with short hair in a plaid shirt. They appear to be in a serious conversation. The background shows a table and chairs.

We all have traits and quirks that may annoy others, but those who love us often take them in stride—or even find them endearing. When someone starts to check out of a relationship, however, the traits that they once found cute suddenly become annoying, or even intolerable to them.

2. They desire less physical intimacy.

A woman with long red hair is sitting at a table in a cafe. She appears uncomfortable or upset as a man embraces her. Her hands are raised, and she is pressing her lips together. A cup and a plate are visible on the table.

In addition to them wanting to have less bedroom action (if any at all), you may notice an aversion to any type of intimacy with you. They may offer their cheek when you try to kiss them, pull away if you try to hug them, and find excuses to justify sleeping separately.

3. They show less enthusiasm for the things you once enjoyed doing together.

A woman and a man are sitting on a couch, both holding red mugs. The woman, on the left, is pointing a remote control towards the TV. Both appear to be watching something on the TV. A clock and some home decor are visible in the background.

If the two of you had regular rituals, like a Friday night museum visit and sushi date, or Sunday afternoon board game, they’ll have less enthusiasm for it. They may suddenly have other plans, or need to catch up on work, or simply tell you that they’re really not into it anymore.

4. They demonstrate a newfound preference for time alone, or with friends.

A man in a black jacket stands on a wooden boardwalk by the sea, with a railing to his left and a clear sky in the background. The boardwalk stretches into the distance.

Any time you ask if they want to hang out with you, they’ll prioritize time to themselves or spending time with their various friend groups. Whereas you may have chatted or watched movies together in the evenings, now they’d rather sequester in another room with Netflix and a bottle of wine.

5. They stop arguing or disagreeing with you.

A man and woman sit apart on a couch, each facing away from the other with distant expressions. The room has a light, airy feel with a large window and green plants in the background. A round wooden table is in the foreground.

If the two of you have argued or disagreed about things in the past, those subjects aren’t really contentious anymore. They can’t be bothered to engage, so they simply keep scrolling their phone or watching TV. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter enough to them to discuss it with you anymore.

6. They display signs of depression.

A person with short hair sits on a beige couch, holding a glass of red wine, appearing thoughtful. They wear a gray sweater, brown pants, and wool socks. The room is softly lit, featuring plants, a vintage radio, and a framed photograph on the wall.

People who are checking out of their relationships often show signs of depression, including substance abuse and/or self-harm. This is especially true if they feel “trapped”, because they’re unhappy with their circumstances, but may not be able to leave due to financial constraints or family obligations.

7. They use flat, unemotional speech.

A man with a beard and a checked shirt, and a woman with long hair and a white tank top, are standing by a window in a bright room, holding white mugs and having a conversation.

Although this can be a trait of neurodiverse people, neurotypical folks who suddenly start speaking in a flat tone, devoid of emotion, are usually checking out rather fiercely. Either there’s no emotion behind their words at all, or they’re intentionally tamping down whatever they feel, resulting in hollow, robotic-like speech.

8. They drop hints about how different you are.

A man and a woman sit on a blue couch having an animated conversation. The man, gesturing with his hands, wears a light blue shirt and jeans, while the woman, listening intently, wears a beige sweater and jeans. A plant and a shelf with books are in the background.

If your partner is slowly checking out of your relationship, they may start to pepper conversations with subtle hints about your incompatibilities. Essentially, they’re attempting to create distance between you by bringing attention to your differences, so it’ll be easier for both of you when they break things off.

9. They act with more secrecy.

A woman with long blonde hair, wearing a maroon floral top, sits on a white sofa looking pensive, resting her head on her hand. A man with dark hair and a beard, wearing a navy blue shirt, sits behind her, focused on his phone.

They may become more secretive about their social media interactions, and be vague about details if you ask them who they’re talking to. Similarly, they may go out or stay late after work without real explanations, and get annoyed if you ask too many questions, claiming that you’re being intrusive.

10. They begin to display avoidant eye contact and body language.

A man sitting on a couch with arms crossed, looking away, while a woman in a red blouse sits beside him, gently touching his shoulder. The setting appears to be a bright living room, suggesting a serious or emotional conversation.

When you talk to them, they’ll avoid making direct eye contact with you: they’ll either look away or focus on something they’re doing instead. Similarly, they’ll angle their body away from you as if planning their departure, or even talk to you over their shoulder instead of facing you.

11. They sigh or make other sounds to express their displeasure with your mere existence.

A man and a woman sit on a couch in a living room, both looking towards the camera with serious expressions. The man wears a blue t-shirt and the woman wears a teal t-shirt. The room has white walls with shelves, a lamp, and a framed picture in the background.

If you make a sound in another room that they don’t want to hear, or if you need to ask them something important, they’ll sigh deeply, make “tsk” sounds, and so on. Any demand on them is seen as a massive inconvenience, and they’ll only respond grudgingly, if at all.

12. They engage in insincere overcompensation.

A smiling woman and a man sitting closely together in a bright café, taking a selfie with a pink smartphone. The woman has shoulder-length hair and is wearing a pale pink blouse. The man has short hair and is wearing a light blue shirt. A coffee cup is visible in the foreground.

There’s an ongoing joke that you know a person’s relationship is in trouble when they start posting couples’ photo shoots online. If your partner is checking out, they may feel guilty about their emotional distance and try to overcompensate by pretending everything is fine, when it is most definitely not.