If your partner's heart is not truly in your relationship, they'll behave in these 12 ways

These behaviors show your partner is just not feeling it anymore.

A woman with long dark hair stands in the foreground with arms crossed, wearing a white shirt, and looking at the camera. A man in a white shirt and blue jeans stands blurred in the background on a path surrounded by greenery.

Have you ever felt worried about your partner’s feelings and commitment toward you? Does it sometimes feel as though they are distant or not overly fussed about your relationship? These are some behaviors you can look out for that might help confirm that their heart is simply not in it anymore (if it ever was).

1. They won’t make a point of initiating time spent together.

A woman and a man are sitting back-to-back on a grassy lawn. The woman, with long brown hair, has her eyes closed and is leaning her head slightly to one side with her hand resting on her head. The man, with short dark hair and a beard, also has his eyes closed.

If the two of you spend quality time together, it’s because you’ve made the effort to make that happen, and they seem to only be tolerating your company. They never take the initiative to do anything with you, so you’re the one making reservations, organizing days out, and so on.

2. Everything is a priority to them except you.

A woman with a long braid, wearing a blue sleeveless top, sits in the foreground with a thoughtful and concerned expression, resting her head on her hand. In the background, a person in a striped shirt is blurred and facing away. The background is light and minimalistic.

Basically, if it doesn’t matter to them, it doesn’t matter at all, and that includes you. Their needs, their friends, their dramas, their issues are all at the top of their priority list. If you’re lucky, once they’ve dealt with everything that’s more important, they might have some time for you.

3. They avoid physical intimacy.

A man and a woman are lying on a bed with their heads next to each other, looking upward. The man wears a light green shirt, and the woman is in a white top. Both appear relaxed and thoughtful, set against the neutral tones of the bedspread.

There’s always some excuse for them to not be intimate with you. This is the classic “not tonight dear: I have a headache” scenario. In addition to avoiding the act itself, they might pull away from hugs or hand holding, and just offer a peck on the cheek instead of a kiss on the lips.

4. They make little to no effort in the relationship.

A woman with blonde hair and a serious expression sits at a kitchen counter, resting her chin on her hand. A man with graying hair sits next to her, looking pensive with his hand supporting his face. Both have coffee mugs in front of them.

You might text them during the day to see how they’re doing, initiate discussions to see where the two of you are emotionally, or even broach the subject of future plans. In contrast, they only speak up when they want to get their needs met, but otherwise seem checked out.

5. They’re annoyed by any emotional display.

A couple is sitting on a couch in a cozy, modern living room. The man, with short brown hair and a beard, looks contemplatively at the camera, while the woman, with long dark hair, smiles and wraps her arms around him. There are books and plants in the background.

Telling them that you love them or miss them will result in rolled eyes or a snide comment, and swiftly changing the subject. Basically, showing any emotion other than neutrality, or lustful interest in them is met with annoyance, including valid grief or upset about major life issues.

6. They don’t bother to remember anything that’s important to you.

A woman with long dark hair is sitting at a table with a serious expression, hands clasped near her mouth. She wears a white shirt and has a drink with an orange slice on the rim in front of her. She appears to be listening intently to another person.

You might have told them a dozen times that you’re allergic to a particular food, and they’ll offer it to you anyway because they forgot. Or they consistently forget about your birthday, your anniversary, and so on. Essentially, if something isn’t important to them, it isn’t important at all.

7. They’re not present with you when you’re together.

A young couple wearing denim shirts stands close together outdoors. The woman holds out a smartphone, looking concerned, while the man has one arm around her and points at the phone screen with a focused expression. Trees and buildings can be seen in the background.

The two of you might be in the same room, even on the same couch, but you might as well be in separate countries. They don’t interact with you when you’re together, and might barely even acknowledge your existence—no more than a blanket to use or shove away at will.

8. They prioritize their wants and use you as the tool to attain them.

A man and woman are in a kitchen. The woman, with blonde hair, stands by the refrigerator, wearing a pink t-shirt and jeans. The man, with brown hair and a beard, examines groceries in a brown paper bag. Fresh produce, like lettuce, is visible in the bag.

You are, on a fundamental level, the means by which they attain what they want or need. You might be the driver to get them to an event, the wallet that buys them items they covet, or the body that provides them with the intimacy they desire. Not a partner.

9. You never hang out with their friends.

A man and woman walk outdoors with foliage in the background. The man, in a white shirt, has dark hair pulled back and a beard. The woman, in a white lace top, has long dark hair. The focus is on the woman’s profile, with the man slightly blurred in the background.

When you two do hang out together, it’s either alone, or with your friends (because you’ve made that happen)—not theirs. They don’t invite you to any of their social events, and you rarely ever see their friends or family. If you run into people they know while you’re out, they treat you as if you’re not even there.

10. They bail at the first sign of conflict or trouble.

A woman with shoulder-length dark hair, wearing a black hat, black-framed glasses, and a sleeveless black top, stands in the foreground looking to the side. In the blurred background, a man in black clothing stands against a corrugated metal wall.

Every relationship has growing pains, but instead of wanting to work on things together and grow as a couple, the person you’re dating will simply bail at the first sign of conflict or tension. In their mind, it takes less effort and is far less stressful to just replace you.

11. They don’t care if plans are canceled (or if you suggest a breakup).

A man with a beard and tattoos, dressed in a beige t-shirt, is taking off his wedding ring while looking away with a concerned expression. He stands in front of a bed where a woman with long brown hair, dressed in white, sits with a sad expression.

Rather than expressing disappointment if you need to cancel plans with them, you’ll just get an “okay” in response, and they won’t ask about potentially rescheduling them. Furthermore, if you suggest that maybe you need some time apart (or to break up entirely), they seem unbothered, or even relieved.

12. They avoid making anything official.

A young man and woman are sitting on a bench in a park, each holding an ice cream cone. The woman, wearing a white shirt and blue skirt, looks at the man with a serious expression. The man, in a light gray shirt, appears to be speaking to her. Trees are in the background.

If the two of you have only recently got together, they balk if you call them your girlfriend/boyfriend or partner, and avoid introducing you as such. In fact, if you run into anyone they know, they’ll introduce you as their “friend”. Furthermore, they won’t label themselves as in a relationship on social media, and refuse to discuss future plans.