Are you repulsed by your husband’s touch?
Your husband’s touch used to feel good, but now you cringe whenever he gets near you.
Figuring out the cause of the problem is the first and most important step to overcoming it. And if you want to make your marriage work, you do both need to work out how to overcome it, because for the majority of people, healthy and enjoyable physical intimacy is just as important in a marriage as it is when dating.
So let’s start with the possible reasons for your feelings.
1. Your relationship is unhealthy.
Maybe you don’t just feel uncomfortable when your husband touches you. You feel uncomfortable in your relationship in its entirety.
If you’ve been unhappy and you’ve had a lot of problems in your marriage lately, it’s only natural that you might recoil at your husband’s advances.
Maybe he hasn’t been treating you well, and your disgust comes as a form of self-defense.
If he has been abusive, your body might be telling you that you need distance from him. This is especially true if he has been violent, but it also applies to verbal and emotional abuse.
If he belittles you, controls you, isolates you from your loved ones, disrespects your boundaries, and blames you for everything, your relationship is toxic, even if it wasn’t like that from the start.
In this case, you don’t have an aversion to his touch, you have an unhealthy relationship.
So, you can either try to fix this rather major issue, or move on and get a divorce.
Either way, it would be a good idea to seek the help of a trained therapist and get support from your family members and friends.
2. Your husband is unintentionally touching you in ways you don’t enjoy.
Sometimes, the issue isn’t about touch itself, but rather the specific way your husband touches you. Perhaps his approach doesn’t align with your preferences or desires.
Maybe he’s too rough or jokey when you prefer gentleness, or his touches feel too tentative when you prefer more confidence. He might focus on areas that you don’t particularly enjoy, or ignore the spots that do.
It’s also possible that he’s overstepping your boundaries, even if unintentionally. For example, he might initiate touch at times or in places where you feel uncomfortable.
If you and your husband haven’t clearly discussed each other’s boundaries and preferences, your husband might not realize that his touch is causing discomfort rather than pleasure.
Open, honest communication is key here. Be specific about your likes and dislikes. Then if he still oversteps your boundaries or ignores your preferences, there’s a much bigger problem at play.
3. You don’t love your husband anymore.
If you married this man, you probably loved him at some point, but you no longer feel that way about him.
Whether it’s because of something he did or simply because of a change of heart, you don’t love him anymore, or at least not as much as you used to.
When this happens, you should ask yourself whether the love is truly gone or if you’re missing something else that used to be there, such as fun and excitement.
If you want to rekindle the passion in your marriage and the love you have for your husband, there are ways you can do that.
Maybe you just feel disconnected without physical touch, and slowly reintroducing it into your marriage along with discussing the other issues could change the way you feel no end.
4. Your husband always puts his own needs first.
What if your husband isn’t mean or cruel, but he is selfish? Maybe he always puts his own needs first, both in the bedroom and outside of it.
Perhaps he doesn’t try to get you in the mood or doesn’t consider the mood you’re currently in when he tries to touch you.
You might feel like being physically intimate is something you only do for your husband, not for yourself. If he is also a selfish lover, you probably feel neglected and assume that he’s only thinking of his own pleasure.
It’s no surprise you feel repulsed by his touch if this is the case. You deserve to be satisfied both in and out of the bedroom, just as much as he does.
5. You are mad at him.
Maybe you’ve been having a lot of fights lately and you are mad at each other.
How long has your skin crawled when your husband touches you?
If it hasn’t been long and you have hit a rough patch recently, it’s not that uncommon. You are probably just upset because of the fight you had, and because the issues you fought about remain unresolved.
Naturally, you need to have positive feelings toward your husband if you are going to enjoy his touch.
6. You resent him.
Maybe you resent your husband because of the way things have been or because of something he did.
If it has been a while since you started feeling disgusted by his touch, think about when it first started.
Maybe there was a very bad fight that you never resolved or your husband had an affair.
If he cheated on you, it’s normal to feel disgusted by his touch for some time afterward. You need time to heal a wound like that.
Whatever it is, you will need to truly forgive him for it if you are going to make things work.
Resentment can slowly consume a relationship and damage it beyond repair. So decide whether you want to work on your marriage or not.
7. You have experienced trauma in the past.
Some people feel disgusted by physical touch because they have experienced trauma.
In this case, your husband should try to understand you and give you the support you need to seek help.
If you had experiences with forced contact you are likely associating intimate touch with danger, pain, anxiety, and a threat.
Seek the help of a professional and let your husband support you.
If, however, your husband caused you the trauma, find a way to get away from him, get help, and alert the authorities. Don’t stay with an abuser.
8. Hormonal changes are playing a role.
Sometimes, your aversion to touch might not be directly related to your relationship at all. Instead, it could be due to hormonal changes in your body, particularly if you previously enjoyed your husband’s touch. Hormonal fluctuations during pregnancy, postpartum, or menopause can significantly affect your libido and sensitivity to touch. You might find yourself feeling unexpectedly irritable or uncomfortable with physical contact.
These changes can be temporary, but they can also persist for extended periods. If you suspect this might be the case, it’s worth discussing with your doctor. They can help determine if there’s an underlying hormonal imbalance and suggest appropriate treatments or lifestyle changes that might help you feel more comfortable with physical intimacy again.
This isn’t your fault, and it’s not uncommon. Be open with your husband about what you’re experiencing, and work together to find ways to maintain intimacy that feel good for both of you during this time.
9. You’re dealing with unresolved stress or anxiety.
Life can be overwhelming at times, and stress or anxiety from work, family, or other responsibilities can spill over into your intimate life. When you’re constantly worried or tense, your body might react negatively to touch, even from someone you love. You might find yourself flinching or pulling away without really understanding why.
This reaction could be your body’s way of saying it needs space to process and deal with the stress you’re experiencing.
10. You are unhappy with your body.
In the end, maybe your aversion to your husband’s touch has nothing to do with him.
If your body shape recently (and significantly) changed, it could be the reason why you avoid his touch.
Maybe you have recently gained or lost a lot of weight, had a baby, got body-shamed, or suffered an illness that has changed how you feel about yourself.
If you don’t feel desirable, it can be hard to comprehend how someone else sees you that way, and this could explain your strong reaction to your husband’s touch.
