11 Hard To Accept Reasons Why You're Not As Happy As You Could Be

Is one or more of these things holding back your happiness?

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You could be happier—you have no doubts about that. Perhaps you are somewhat happy some of the time, or maybe you’re not a particularly happy person in general. Whatever the case may be, here are some of the biggest reasons why you are quite a long way from meeting your happiness potential.

1. You’re not true to yourself.

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By trying to please others, you sacrifice the essential parts of what makes you unique. Trying to fit yourself into a mold you don’t belong in or live up to others’ expectations drains you of your emotional energy and happiness. You are so afraid of letting other people down because you don’t conform to what they want that you suppress your own peace and well-being instead.

2. You seek happiness in material things.

A woman stands in a shopping mall holding several colorful shopping bags. She appears thoughtful with one hand resting on her chin. She is wearing a sleeveless dress with a dark blue floral pattern on a light background. The background shows blurred mall stores.

Most people want nice things. The problem arises when you hinge your happiness on acquiring those nice things. It’s true, material things can give you that temporary boost of endorphins that will make you happy for a little while. However, lasting joy doesn’t come from accumulating possessions. It’s just a temporary bump of happiness until you start looking for the next material fix.

3. You compare yourself to others.

A person with long hair sits on the ground in an outdoor setting. They are wearing a green beanie and a light-colored striped shirt. Their hands are resting on their knees, and they have a thoughtful expression on their face. A light-colored garage door is in the background.

There is a lot of wisdom in the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Why? Because we make ourselves unhappy by looking at what we aren’t and what we wish we could be. Instead of nurturing the unique qualities of yourself, you lose that time thinking about what you’re not. Everyone is valuable, and we all need to learn to love and appreciate ourselves for who we are.

4. You focus on what you don’t have.

A worried woman with shoulder-length dark hair stands by a window, touching her temple with a thoughtful expression. She wears a white sleeveless top, and the background shows a blurred cityscape.

It’s hard to appreciate what you have when you focus on what you’re missing. That isn’t necessarily a material possession. Instead, you may find yourself in a place in life where you are lacking the more intangible things that make life better: love, security, and success. A scarcity mindset can prevent you from feeling happy for a long time, because you can’t know when those things will come.

5. You dwell on your past mistakes.

An elderly man with a worried, pensive expression rests his chin on his hand. He has short hair and is wearing a light-colored shirt. He looks off to the side, and the background is a neutral, soft-focus gray.

Everyone’s made mistakes. Everyone has regrets about what they wish they would have done, or wish they would have done differently. The problem is that the past is the past, and it’s long gone. Ruminating on the negativity of the past weighs you down and prevents you from moving forward into better things. Reflection does help you grow, but eventually, you have to forgive yourself for your mistakes and let go.

6. You are afraid of failure.

A woman with long, straight blonde hair is looking to the side with a worried expression and biting her fingernail. She is wearing a light blue, off-shoulder sweater and has dark eye makeup. The background is a plain, light color.

A fear of making mistakes or failing can paralyze you, preventing you from taking risks and pursuing your dreams. Growth is not something that is done in safety and security. Growth is scary because it’s unknown. Most people feel uncomfortable or afraid when facing the unknown. However, if you want to find personal fulfillment and create happiness then you have to be willing to risk failure.

7. You neglect yourself.

A man with short hair and a beard is standing indoors, looking out a window with a serious expression. He is resting his chin on his hand and wearing a light button-up shirt. The background is blurred, focusing on his contemplative posture.

Self-care is necessary to keep your mind and body in good working order. People are not machines, which is a strange analogy to begin with. Machines need maintenance or they break down, much the same way that a person can break down their mental and physical health by not creating some space for maintaining themselves. Happiness requires that you make the time to care for yourself and your needs.

8. You avoid facing challenges.

A man with curly hair and a beard holds his head with both hands, his eyes wide open and mouth slightly agape, expressing a look of panic or anxiety. He is wearing a white dress shirt.

Adversity hones a person into who they are meant to be. By overcoming obstacles, you experience true growth which helps feed your sense of accomplishment and happiness. On the other hand, if you avoid challenges, you may find yourself feeling stuck and unfulfilled because you’re missing out on personal growth and developing emotional resilience.

9. You stay in toxic relationships.

A man wearing a checkered shirt stands in a kitchen, raising his hands in an expressive manner while speaking. A woman with a distressed expression sits in the foreground with her hand on her forehead, looking away from the man. Kitchen cabinets and a kettle are visible.

The relationships you keep deeply affect your well-being. Unhealthy or draining relationships sap your emotional battery, preventing you from reaching your happiness potential. It doesn’t matter if it’s family, friends, or a partner. Boundaries up to and including cutting someone off are necessary to preserve your own mental and emotional energy.

10. You constantly seek external validation.

Two women are sitting on the grass. The woman on the left, wearing a striped shirt, allows her friend to apply lipstick to her lips. The woman on the right wears a hat and smiles while gently applying the lipstick. They seem to be enjoying a sunny day outdoors.

External validation is the need for other people to tell you that you’re good enough. That doesn’t work if you want to be happy. To earn external validation, you have to conform to the expectations of other people. And guess what? Most of the time, their expectations are going to be self-serving instead of what is best for you. Internal validation is understanding that you are valuable regardless of what anyone thinks.

11. You don’t set or enforce your boundaries.

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The ability to say ‘no’ is the biggest contributor to happiness. If you cannot say no, then you will find yourself constantly doing things for others and being taken advantage of. Givers need to define what they are willing to give through their boundaries, because most takers will just take. But fear not, people who genuinely care about you will learn and respect your boundaries.