Do you hate Christmas?
You are not alone. Despite how it might seem, many people dread Christmas. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, though, it’s going to be pretty hard to avoid it altogether.
But you can make it easier, and dare I say it, you might even be able to make it enjoyable, if you eliminate behaviors that don’t serve you. Starting with…
1. Saying “yes” to things when you want to say “no”.
You’re under no obligation to go to events that you don’t want to attend, nor to buy gifts for people you dislike. Family members may try to coerce or guilt you into doing so, but you can choose not to let their manipulations affect you.
Furthermore, you can call them out on that behavior and let them know that it won’t be tolerated. This might rock the boat, but it’s often better to do so for the sake of maintaining your sanity than to sacrifice your wellbeing on the altar of familial harmony.
Saying “no thank you” also extends to food or drink that others are trying to foist upon you. If you’ve chosen not to drink alcohol, for example, you don’t have to acquiesce because someone might take offense if you toast with ginger ale instead. If they get offended, that’s on them.
The same goes for eating anything that goes against your personal ethics, or might make you ill. You’re under no obligation to explain yourself, nor should you be made to feel that you need to sacrifice your integrity or your well-being so you don’t make your aunt or gran feel bad.
Remember that you’re not responsible for anyone else’s emotions, and you can’t “make” anyone feel anything. That’s on them.
2. Putting up with unacceptable behavior to keep the peace.
You don’t have to put up with abusive behavior for the sake of maintaining the illusion of harmony. That’s a big “nope” right there.
During family get-togethers, relatives may think it’s appropriate to ask intensely personal questions, such as when you’re going to find a spouse, or have children. If this is the case, you can determine the approach that you’re most comfortable with. One person might respond by saying that it’s inappropriate for them to even ask such questions, while another might respond with an even more uncomfortable question in turn to shut the asker up.
Whatever strategy you use, remember that nobody has the “right” to insult you, belittle you, or make you uncomfortable with intentionally offensive queries. You’re an adult, as are they, and that levels the playing field. Stand up for yourself and make it crystal clear to them that being related doesn’t give them carte blanche to treat you like crap.
If they continue, leave.
3. Sticking with traditions for traditions’ sake.
If you’ve been feeling like you want Christmas to be over with so you don’t have to deal with the memories that your holiday traditions evoke, then a great alternative is to create a new set of traditions.
For example, many families serve specific dishes year after year because their grandparents established a menu and they’re expected to adhere to it. Well, if those grandparents aren’t around anymore, there’s no reason why that menu can’t be changed. The same goes for decorative items, music, games, and the like.
Ditch the old color scheme or theme and choose something completely different. Opt for classical music instead of cheesy carols, and order in sushi or Chinese food instead of spending a few days cooking. Come up with fun family games, or choose a tradition from another culture that you’re fond of.
If you’re a family of introverts, consider the Icelandic Jolabokaflod (“Yule book flood”), in which everyone curls up with books, something hot to drink, and chocolate, and spends a lovely evening reading in silence. Alternatively, most boisterous families can play board games or charades until everyone falls over.
Basically, celebrate things on your own terms. This can go a long way towards healing old traumas, as you won’t have the same visual or auditory triggers haunting you year after year.
4. Leaving your holiday shopping until Christmas.
If you want to participate in gift exchanges, then you can spare yourself a world of stress by spreading out your shopping excursions over the entire year, rather than the few short weeks before Christmas.
Keep a detailed spreadsheet of the various types of things your loved ones enjoy or collect, and keep an eye out for those things regardless of what time of year it is.
Is your best friend obsessed with squirrels or rabbits? Keep an eye out for sales during the spring and summer when cute animal items are popular. Same goes for various fragrances, craft materials, snack flavors, and the like. Keep some money aside in your budget for impromptu gift purchases when you’re traveling, and take full advantage of sales when you come across them.
You don’t have to do any shopping at all between Halloween and Christmas: there are 10 other months that you can put to great effect as far as shopping goes, right?
5. Buying shop-bought gifts when it goes against your values.
If you are put off by the commercialization of Christmas, or the damage gift giving does to the planet, don’t buy gifts. If you want to give gifts, you can opt for a more sincere, heartfelt approach instead. For example, you can make your holiday gifts instead of buying pre-made items.
Once again, this requires a bit of planning ahead of time, especially if the items you plan to make require a fair amount of time and effort to complete. You don’t want to be up all night the week before Christmas, knitting your hands numb or accidentally gluing wood pieces to various parts of your anatomy.
There are countless different DIY gifts you can put together depending on your budget and skill set(s). For instance, it’s easy to fill Mason jars with gourmet hot cocoa or soup mix: the recipient just needs to add hot water and enjoy.
6. Giving gifts, period, if you’d rather not or can’t.
While you may feel pressured to exchange gifts with other people, you’re under no obligation to actually do so. Giving gifts is a nice tradition if you have the means and desire to do so, but the spirit of the holidays is lost when you feel like you HAVE to do so or risk causing offense and upset.
As mentioned above, you could make some gifts yourself to give to others if you really want to, but the alternative is to make it known that you’re not taking part in this tradition this year. How you choose to phrase this is up to you of course, and can be tailored to suit the people you’ll inevitably shock with this announcement.
One of the best ways to absolve yourself of all gift-giving expectations is to announce well ahead of time that you’re choosing to give to charity this year instead of spending money on “stuff.” This way, anyone who causes a fuss about not receiving anything (or breaking with tradition) will look like an a**hole. As a result, they have no choice by to save face by showing their support.
*Note: you can also try to use this approach to get out of obligatory family gatherings. Let them know that you’re choosing to give of yourself this year, and will be spending Christmas doing volunteer work at a homeless shelter, hospice, elder care facility, or other organization that desperately needs volunteer help. You might get a couple of disparaging remarks, but you can counter those by reminding them of the true spirit of Christmas, and that those you’ll be helping are far more in need than they are. It’s a remarkably effective tactic that may very well get you out of having to attend at least one terrible dinner.
7. Going along with traditions that don’t align with your beliefs.
One of the main reasons why so many people hate the holidays is because they feel that they’re being insincere. This often happens when someone’s authentic self (e.g. their values, interests, spiritual leanings, etc.) doesn’t align with their family’s traditions.
As an example, you might feel very strongly about honoring the solemn, sacred spirit of the season, whereas your relatives prefer to huff eggnog while listening to Bing Crosby. If this is the case, there’s nothing wrong with making a very brief appearance at a family gathering before you go to a church service that’ll make your heart soar.
Or the opposite may be true: your family might be super-religious, but you’re in love with 1960s nostalgia with an extra dose of tinsel. In a case like that, you can find a middle ground by decorating your home the way you want to, and attending a service with them. Or skip the Midnight Mass completely and stop in for a brief visit on New Year’s Eve.
If you want to buy gifts for your loved ones but you don’t want to take part in unethical consumerism, get items that both align with what’s important to you, and will make others happy as well. For instance, I’m big on sustainability, so one year I gave every family member a reusable canvas tote bag in a theme that they loved. Inside it was a set of either bamboo or stainless steel cutlery, steel water bottle, ceramic coffee mug, and an assortment of fair trade/ethically sourced drinks and snacks to suit their individual preferences.
Everyone was delighted with what they received, and I felt happy about the fact that I was staying true to my principles regarding sustainable practices and ethical products.
8. Celebrating Christmas when you don’t actually want to.
Ultimately, there is no “right” way to celebrate a holiday, and that includes not celebrating it at all. In fact, it can be immensely freeing to opt out of taking part in these festivities as a form of self-care.
If you have the financial means to do so you could go somewhere completely different for a week or two. Your chosen destination can depend on what you want to experience, or what’s best for your budget. For instance, if you love Christmas but can’t stand your family, consider going to Strasbourg to experience their Weihnachtsmarkt/Christkindelsmarkt. Alternatively, if you’ve got the cash, go somewhere warm and beautiful where Christmas isn’t celebrated at all, such as The Maldives, which is primarily Sunni Muslim.
Your life is yours to live, and that includes how you choose to acknowledge and celebrate various holidays. If people give you grief about choosing self-care over forced celebration, then that’s a big clue to lessen your contact with these folks. Those who truly love you will do so selflessly and support the choices that make you happiest.
This is supposed to be the season of joy and peace, right? Then give yourself permission to experience your own peace and joy by any means necessary.
9. Letting your mental health suffer for the sake of celebrating Christmas for other people.
For many people, Christmas can be a source of intense stress, anxiety, or even trauma. It’s okay to set boundaries and protect your well-being.
Don’t feel obligated to participate in activities that could harm your mental health just to please others. This might mean limiting your time at family gatherings, avoiding certain traditions, or opting out of celebrations altogether. Your mental health is not a sacrifice you should make on the altar of other people’s expectations.
If you’re struggling, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you develop coping strategies. They can help you find what truly brings you joy over the holidays, and offer options on how to manifest those instead of enduring chaos and stress. You may discover that you actually do like the decorations and music, but you’d prefer to celebrate the holiday alone at home with your pet, some soup, and your favorite streaming service rather than a boisterous get-together full of barking dogs and screaming children. And that’s absolutely ok.
You might also find it helpful to connect with others who share similar experiences. Online communities can be a great resource for finding understanding and solidarity during this time of year.
Ultimately, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. By prioritizing your mental health, you’re ensuring that you can show up as your best self, not just during the holidays, but all year round. And that’s a gift that truly keeps on giving.
