12 Expert Tips For Becoming More Socially Skilled With Minimal Effort

Hone your social skills by doing these really simple things.

Many people feel socially awkward or anxious but don’t know how or where to begin cultivating stronger social skills. Consider putting the 12 tips here into practice and you should soon find yourself getting a lot more comfortable interacting with others.

1. Practice finding common ground with others.

Two people are sitting in a cozy living room, engaged in conversation. One person holds a notebook and pen, while a coffee cup is on the table between them. They are both wearing checkered shirts, and there's a TV mounted on the wall.

You can connect with anyone, on any topic, even if you aren’t familiar with it. Simply see the topic as a wheel hub, and then ask them questions about related “spoke” issues.

For example, if someone is telling you all about their diversified stock portfolio, you can ask them when they hope to retire and what their plans are when they do (since they are likely investing with the aim of having a comfortable or early retirement). Boom! Now you have some common ground to talk about—assuming you plan on retiring that is!

This works in every situation, and makes others feel that you value their insights even if you don’t have much in common otherwise.

2. Determine the areas in which you feel weak, and then strengthen them.

Two women are sitting in a bright, modern cafe, smiling and holding cups of coffee. One wears a beige blouse and the other a white sweater with a yellow scarf. They appear engaged in a friendly conversation.

Are you self-conscious about your table manners? Watch YouTube videos on etiquette and follow along with them until you’re more comfortable with every utensil imaginable. Do you find that you “babble” when nervous? Then practice pausing regularly and speaking slowly and articulately so you can do so even when feeling anxious. The more you do something, the more habitual it becomes.

3. Put sincere effort into observing and listening to others.

A group of four young adults sit on a stylish, illuminated staircase, engaged in lively conversation. They appear casual and happy, with warm lighting enhancing the cozy atmosphere. The person on the far right is looking directly at the camera, smiling.

In silence comes wisdom. Spend a significant amount of time in silence, simply observing and listening to everyone around you. Obviously, maintain politeness in social interactions, but keep it forefront in your mind to not open your mouth. This gives you cues as to not only how people behave, but also their preferences and mannerisms in context.

4. Practice how you want to portray yourself in front of a mirror, or with a trusted friend.

A woman stands in front of a mirror, holding a tablet and speaking. She is wearing a sleeveless red top, with her hair tied back. Her expression suggests she is practicing a speech or presentation. The background is a softly lit, neutral-toned room.

If you find yourself feeling awkward about how you look when you’re speaking, sitting, eating, and so on, then practice in front of a mirror, or with a close friend. By observing how you move, hold yourself, or what your facial expressions look like, you can adjust them to make you feel more confident.

5. Ask others what they’re interested in before launching into your own passions.

It’s always a good idea to engage others about what they’re into rather than rattling off an extensive list of your own interests. If you’re aiming to socialize with greater skill, let people know that you’re interested in their opinions and ideas, allowing them to open up to you on their own terms.

6. Determine people’s familiarity with a topic before telling them about it.

A group of three people engaged in conversation indoors. The person in the middle is gesturing with hands, wearing a black outfit. The background is softly blurred, suggesting a casual or business setting.

Many people end up with their feet in their mouths when they inform someone about a topic before asking about their familiarity with it, such as when someone on Twitter/X explained The Handmaid’s Tale to Margaret Atwood—the book’s author. Asking first is immensely respectful, and it gives you an idea of your common ground.

7. Play to your strengths.

A group of people in business attire are engaging in conversation in an office setting. One person is holding a drink. Others are sitting and listening. The mood appears casual and friendly.

Are you great at improvisation? Do you make people laugh easily? Or do you have a vast wealth of knowledge across multiple subjects? Identify the traits that you’re most confident about, and play to them whenever possible. You’ll feel a lot more confident and socially adept by doing so.

8. Take note of those whose social example you do NOT wish to follow.

Two people are sitting at a table in a restaurant, engaging in conversation and holding glasses of red wine. A third person, partly visible, is joining them in a toast. Shelves with wine bottles are in the background, and the setting is cozy and casual.

If you’re sitting and observing (as per #3 on this list) and you see people cringing and avoiding a particular individual due to their (mis)behavior, don’t be that guy. Sometimes, the best lessons in social dynamics we can learn are examples that we never want to follow.

9. Emulate those whom you admire.

A group of three people stand in an office setting having a conversation. Two men and one woman are dressed in business casual attire. They are smiling, and in the background, other people are working at tables.

On the other hand, you can take your cues from people whose behavior and decorum you admire, with regard to poise, speech, personal clothing style, and so on, as well as to the skills and abilities that they have. This doesn’t mean that you should become a clone of someone else: cultivate your own personality, but use their example as a springboard.

10. Presentability.

Three people are sitting and conversing at a table in a cozy café. A man with glasses and a beard on the left is smiling at a woman with short dark hair in the center, who is also smiling. Another person is partially visible on the right, also engaged in the conversation.

Aim to be as neat and tidy in your appearance as possible, but at the bare minimum, ensure cleanliness and order in your face, hands, and feet. Make sure your hands are well groomed (e.g. no dirt beneath your fingernails), wear clean shoes, and ensure your face is washed and your facial hair isn’t unruly.

11. Go out and do a wide variety of things.

A man and woman are dancing closely in a brightly lit room, surrounded by other dancing couples. The woman, wearing a red dress with matched accessories, looks into the camera, while the man, in a dark shirt, faces away from it.

One of the best ways to develop a skill is to gain experience with it. As such, if you’re keen on becoming more socially skilled, do a lot of social things, in different environments and with varied groups. This will allow you to cultivate new skills and hone the ones you already have.

12. Let go of the worry about what others might think of you.

A young woman wearing a yellow turtleneck sweater and a backpack is holding a notebook and water bottle. She appears to be engaged in a conversation with someone whose back is to the camera. The background features an urban setting with buildings and people.

When most people are asked what causes their social anxiety, it’s the crippling worry about what others think of them—their fear of negative judgment or not being liked paralyzes them. Let go of this fear, and be your beautiful, authentic self: those who are meant to be in your tribe will adore you.