The 10 Common Behaviors That Are Actually A Form Of Self-Sabotage

Crack down on these behaviors if you notice yourself doing any of them.

A man with a beard and short hair, wearing a plaid shirt, stands outdoors. The background is green and blurred, suggesting a natural setting. He looks directly at the camera with a neutral expression.

People can self-sabotage for a number of different reasons, and many don’t even realize that they’re doing it. The actions listed here are so commonplace that most people have experienced them several times, but they’re actually self-sabotaging behaviors that should be curbed for the sake of personal growth.

1. “Accidentally” missing opportunities.

A woman in a striped shirt sits at a desk, looking at a laptop with a surprised expression. Her hands are on her cheeks, and she appears to be in an office setting.

They may have a great job interview scheduled but oops, they forgot to set their alarm and missed it. Alternatively, they may “forget” to submit important paperwork for a school assignment or application, and explain it away as fate intervening because it simply wasn’t meant to be. Oh well.

2. Creating circumstances that have unattainable standards for completion.

A man with short, curly hair and a beard, wearing a light blue shirt, gazes to his left. He is standing outdoors in a lush green park with trees and buildings in the background, under a partly cloudy sky.

An example of this might be someone who wants to get married, but will only do so at Disneyworld. However, they refuse to travel because they’re terrified of flying and they’re too claustrophobic to be in a car for several days’ travel. As such, that wedding isn’t ever going to happen.

3. Lying or making excuses.

A person with long red nails and wearing colorful earrings is holding their finger to their lips, signaling for silence. They are dressed in a patterned shirt with a blue background.

A lot of folks make excuses or even lie outright as a means of avoiding “getting into trouble”. Even if the issue is utterly insignificant, lying about it instead of accepting accountability is certain to damage other people’s trust in them. This is particularly true in workplace or romantic relationship scenarios.

4. Critical or otherwise negative self-talk.

A black and white close-up portrait of a person looking slightly to the right. The face is partially shadowed, highlighting the person's intense, wide-eyed expression. They have short hair and are wearing a light-colored collared shirt. The background is black.

Instead of encouraging themselves with mental pep talks about how awesome they are, they’ll be critical and cruel towards themselves instead. They might look in the mirror and insult themselves, tell their reflection that they’re stupid, useless, and so on. This negativity will then manifest in their behavior, potentially sabotaging their efforts.

5. Repeating past mistakes even though they know things will go badly.

A woman with long, dark hair gazes intently to the side. She is wearing a green jacket and dangling earrings, standing under a structure with beams. The background is softly blurred, emphasizing her thoughtful expression.

The definition of madness is repeating a mistake and hoping that it’ll turn out differently this time. Those who self-sabotage, however, often choose to repeat their mistakes—whether consciously or subconsciously. This is because they’re comfortable with the outcomes of these errors and are pros at dealing with the subsequent fallout.

6. Deciding on a pursuit that they have no experience in.

A woman with a braid works at a computer in a warmly lit, cozy environment. She is focused on the screen, with various decorative elements like plants and lights visible around her.

They may decide that they want to open a restaurant despite having zero experience in cooking, serving, kitchen standards, or running any type of business whatsoever. They may feel a pressing need to achieve something, but since they feel that they don’t deserve success, they’ll set it up so they’re destined to fail.

7. Starting drama for no good reason.

Two women are engaged in a tense face-to-face confrontation. The woman on the left has short hair and is wearing a white blouse and a black blazer. The woman on the right has her hair in a bun and is wearing a polka dot shirt and a navy blazer.

A person who feels like their relationship is “too good to be true” may stir up drama or cause an argument in an attempt to sabotage the relationship. They may not even realize that they’re doing it, but their self-preservation instinct is aiming to end things before their partner initiates a breakup (even if that’s not remotely on the cards).

8. Taking care of everyone except themselves.

A woman in a business suit is sitting at a desk in an office, looking at her laptop with excitement. She has a big smile and is giving two thumbs up. The background features office shelves and plants.

This is common in people who suffer from depression, or who otherwise don’t actually want to be here anymore. They’ll deplete themselves by tirelessly tending to everyone else’s needs, but make their own self-care the lowest priority. On a fundamental level, many are allowing themselves to fall apart, hoping for an earlier exit.

9. Self-deprecation.

People are sitting around a table, smiling and talking while holding bottles of soda. Some wear casual outfits. The setting is bright, with red blinds in the background, suggesting a cheerful atmosphere.

A lot of people put themselves down with the goal of making others more comfortable. After all, cracking jokes about their own shortcomings is funny, right? In reality, they may be trying to push people away so they don’t run the risk of getting rejected. This is particularly common in the dating scene.

10. Ghosting people who care about them.

A person wearing a striped shirt leans against a pillar under a pier. They gaze thoughtfully towards the ocean. The sunlit sea and wooden pier structure are visible in the background.

It’s a fairly common behavior nowadays for people to simply disappear for a while when they’re feeling overwhelmed or unsociable. This is also something that people do when they’re afraid of emotional vulnerability. They push others away before they have a chance to get hurt by anyone.

11. Over-indulgence in intoxicants.

A man in a white shirt is sitting in a bar with several glass mugs of beer on the table in front of him. He is smiling, looking to his left, and raising his right hand as if waving or signaling. The background features a bar with various bottles.

We all know people who drink to excess on weekends and then spend days recuperating. In fact, this is a common practice to unwind from the stress of the work week. It’s also a means of self-sabotage, as a person can cancel plans with the excuse that they’re too hungover to attend.

12. Over-promising and under-delivering.

A middle-aged man with short, gray hair and a neatly trimmed beard is looking directly at the camera. He is wearing a light blue button-up shirt and appears to be indoors, possibly in an office or home setting, with soft natural light illuminating his face.

Many people equate their self-worth with their productivity, and agree to take on a ton of responsibility to prove to others how capable they are. Then, when they’re overwhelmed and exhausted from constant output, they’ll disconnect and shut down, thus failing to deliver on all the things they had promised earlier.