Adults Who Missed Out On Childhood Friendships Often Exhibit These 10 Traits

You’ll often see these things in people who lacked friends as children.

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Most of us probably took our childhood friendships for granted, but plenty of people struggle to make or keep friends when they are growing up. For various reasons, they end up missing out on this important social element of being a child, and because of this, they often display some or all of the signs listed here.

1. They experience social anxiety.

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Social conditioning and interpersonal development begins in childhood. It starts with parents and continues on through the friendships and relationships the child experiences as they grow up. As a result, a person who missed out on this development because they didn’t have childhood friendships may experience self-consciousness and anxiety in group settings.

2. They find it difficult to trust others.

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There are a variety of deeper social skills that need to be developed through regular practice. Many people can maintain a surface level social connection. People who didn’t have childhood friends may, however, have a difficult time developing intimacy and trust in others because they haven’t had that practice. It takes time to develop the ability to open oneself to that level of vulnerability.

3. They may feel lonely in groups.

Those early friendships provide significant development to a person’s social functions and the emotions that go along with them. A person who misses that early development may find that they have a difficult time feeling connected as an adult, even when they have close relationships. They may experience a persistent sense of isolation and loneliness. This may also cause them to just prefer solitude as it’s comfortable and known.

4. They may overcompensate in relationships.

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Some people who lacked childhood friendships may overcompensate in their present relationships because they never learned how to build or maintain them from previous experience. They may be overbearing, clingy, needy, or feel like they need to do too much to earn the friendship. This is unhealthy behavior because they may attach themselves to someone who will take advantage of them.

5. They may struggle with conflict resolution.

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Navigating disagreements is a skill that is developed over time, with practice. It is another social skill that can fall behind when you haven’t had early, consistent friendships or relationships. As a result, they may handle conflict poorly or avoid it altogether. Their inability to stand up for themselves means their needs may go unaddressed or they are taken advantage of.

6. They may idealize childhood friendships.

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People who don’t have experience with childhood friendships and relationships may idealize what they think they should be. That is a problem for adults because it can set unrealistic expectations, undermining their adult relationships. No relationship or friendship is perfect. Without the context of firsthand experience of friendship growing up, it can be hard for the person to understand the challenges associated with adult relationships.

7. They may have low self-esteem.

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Self-esteem is developed by feeling loved and valued in different ways. Childhood friendships contribute to that. A child who is lonely and isolated from their peers isn’t able to develop the understanding that they are intrinsically valuable as a person. They lack that confirmation from their peers that proves to them that they are valuable and worthy.

8. They may become over-attached.

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Part of overcompensation is over-attachment. When the person finally does form meaningful connections with others, they often overvalue them or become too clingy. They are fearful of losing a connection that they value deeply. The issue is that this kind of behavior pushes others away. Not every friendship is meant to be ride or die. Some are just meant to be casual.

9. They have a difficult time with healthy boundaries.

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Boundary-setting is a skill that one can naturally learn from healthy friendships and relationships starting as a child. People who haven’t had that experience may not understand how to establish or enforce boundaries. They may also not understand how to respect others’ boundaries, which may cause them to become too distant or overly clingy.

10. They are sensitive to rejection.

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One builds resilience to rejection from being rejected. A person without friends, or who never had the opportunity to try to develop friendships and fail may not have that resilience. Instead of seeing the situation as just not right for them, they may instead view it as a total rejection of them as a person. They may not feel or understand that there are other people they can connect with even though they couldn’t connect with this one person.