Life can put a great strain on relationships.
Life is difficult, sometimes very difficult. It tests you as a person, it tests your friendships, and it tests your relationship in ways that you won’t always be prepared for.
After all, there’s no great instruction manual on how to live life, weather the storms, and come out of it all intact. There’s so much you have to figure out on your own when the storms start raging.
It gets that little bit easier when you have someone by your side who is willing to put the work in to figure it out together, rather than just throw in the towel because it’s too hard.
Couples who not only weather the storm, but come out stronger than before, do just that with the help of these 9 behaviors.
1. They always remember it’s the two of them against the problem.
In far too many relationships, the partners tend to forget they are partners. They’re supposed to be on each other’s side, not fighting with one another over the problem.
Couples who weather all their storms reduce conflict by remembering that it’s the two of them against the problem, not one partner against the other.
By refocusing their energy on the problem, they reduce unproductive arguments that could drive a wedge between them. They avoid the blaming and muck-slinging that sometimes accompanies conflict between couples.
Moreover, the mere act of looking for solutions provides a positive feeling that puts both of them in a better headspace and de-escalates the situation.
The world can be a rough place. Your partner should be someone that you can retreat to when things are hard, not someone who makes life even harder.
2. They express their feelings to their partner instead of confidantes.
An open, honest dialogue can help to find a mutually beneficial resolution. The problem is that we don’t always communicate well with our partners.
Instead, we turn to our friends or family for commentary on what we are experiencing and need to resolve. That can backfire because you don’t always know what your confidante’s motives are. Maybe they have a romantic interest in you or your partner, so they aren’t giving you sound advice to further split you up. Or maybe they are a wonderful person, honest and trustworthy, but they don’t really know or understand your partner as well as you think. And they give you bad advice based on their incorrect assumptions.
Instead of talking their relationship problems through with someone outside of the relationship, couples who weather life’s storms together go straight to the source, and they get much better results for it.
3. They are friends with their partner.
For every couple, there are times when you just don’t feel like you love your partner. The chemical processes of love sometimes wax and wane with time. It’s not uncommon to fall in and out of love with your partner multiple times throughout a relationship.
That’s why it is so important to have a solid foundation of friendship underneath the romance. That way, you can still like your partner even when you’re not feeling so in love with them.
A relationship built solely on the infatuation and lusty parts of love will find itself on shaky ground when the stresses of life start piling up. Couples who face life’s challenges together know this, and spend as much time prioritizing friendship as they do the other parts of their relationship.
4. They schedule regular time to spend with their partner.
Part of maintaining a healthy friendship and relationship with a partner is spending consistent time with them. It’s so easy to get swept up by the hustle and bustle of life when you’re juggling family life, work, hobbies, and other activities. But strong couples don’t let this stop them from spending regular time with their partner to maintain intimacy and closeness. And this serves as a glue to help keep them together through the hard times.
They make time for regular date nights, even if that’s just ordering a pizza and cuddling up on the couch to watch a movie, or taking a quick stroll round the local park.
5. They show their partner vulnerability and emotional intimacy, even when it doesn’t come easily.
Some people find it challenging to show vulnerability and emotional intimacy, even to their romantic partners. They may have a rough history, grew up in an abusive home, or been through abusive relationships where vulnerability would harm them.
Though this is an understandable and necessary survival mechanism for those situations, it is toxic and destructive in healthy relationships. Couples who survive the test of time commit to being vulnerable, even if it doesn’t come easily to them, and they reap the rewards as a result.
Emotional intimacy and vulnerability are absolutely necessary to build, maintain, and strengthen a relationship. Without them, it is so much harder to weather the storms that will come because the partners are less likely to come together as a unit.
6. They are willing to freely admit when they’re wrong.
Many people have a hard time admitting when they were wrong. But a willingness to be honest and admit when you were wrong is such a powerful way to forge intimacy and connection in a relationship.
We’re all human. We’re not always going to do the right thing. We’re not always going to make positive decisions. Sometimes, we’ll screw up bad.
But your partner needs to know you are a big enough person to not pass up your responsibility if you want your relationship to withstand those blows.
What’s more, owning the problem and admitting fault for it immediately eases tensions between a couple, meaning conflict is less destructive and passes quicker.
7. They take a step back from the problem.
Anger and frustration often cloud our judgment. There are times when things won’t be going well. It’s easy to start blaming your partner and lashing out during these times.
Diving into a problem and trying to brute force your way through it can really backfire because of cloudy judgment.
That’s why couples who successfully work through their difficulties together step back from the problem, set it aside for a little while, and then come back to it with fresh eyes and a calm mind.
8. They stay close and affectionate whilst arguing.
Arguments and disagreements happen in every relationship. That’s not to be confused with fighting.
Some couples don’t fight in a way that people often picture because one or both partners have taken the time to develop their emotional control and communication skills. There’s a common myth that floats around that a couple that doesn’t fight isn’t in a healthy relationship, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Some couples actually defuse the anger and potential for conflict by holding hands while arguing.
It’s well known that physical contact releases a flood of feel-good chemicals that can help temper a person’s emotions. Furthermore, holding your partner’s hand helps reinforce that the two of you are facing this together.
It also forces you to turn toward your partner and look them in the face. This alone makes it harder to say hurtful things than if you were turned away and not able to see the pain your words cause in their face.
9. They are always honest about finances.
One of the major causes of stress and breakups in relationships is money. A bad financial fit in a relationship causes so much stress and conflict. You can’t really pair someone who is a constant saver and penny pincher with someone who freely spends – at least, not without some level of conflict.
Couples who make it work know that the more honest they both are about finances and debts, the better of a position they will be in when life starts throwing unexpected expenses at you.
And life does always throw unexpected expenses at you at some point.
