If your partner says these 12 things to you, they don’t genuinely respect you

A respectful partner won’t ever say these things.

A man and woman sit at an outdoor café table, engaged in a lively conversation. The man gestures with his hand, and the woman listens. The scene is framed by greenery in the foreground, and warm lights create a cozy atmosphere.

Love and respect are the foundations of a solid, healthy partnership. If one of those is missing, then the relationship is doomed to fail. You can tell whether your partner truly respects you by how they behave towards you, so if they ever say any of the things listed here, the respect they claim to have for you is anything but sincere.

1. “You’re lucky to have me.”

A man and a woman are sitting outdoors on a sunny day, engaged in conversation. The man, wearing a light shirt and sunglasses, gestures with his hands. The woman listens attentively, wearing a white T-shirt with "Ciao!" printed on it. Greenery surrounds them.

If your partner or spouse loves and respects you as much as they claim to, then they’ll talk about how lucky they are to have you. If they only express how lucky you are to have them, they’re implying that they’re out of your league and lowered themselves to be with you.

2. “You’re being overdramatic.”

Two people are sitting at a wooden table in a conversation. The woman, wearing a light sweater, appears to be speaking with an expressive gesture, while the man, with curly hair, listens attentively. The setting is a cozy indoor space.

This is an incredibly invalidating response that abusers and neglectful partners use when they don’t want to be held accountable for bad behavior. A partner who respects you will care about how you feel and work with you towards a resolution, not dismiss your emotions as being childish or ridiculous.

3. “Because I said so.”

A man and a woman are engaged in conversation on a city street. The man wears a white shirt and has a backpack, while the woman has a braided hairstyle and is gesturing with her hands, wearing a light jacket. The background is slightly blurred.

Parents use responses like this with their children because they’re in a position of authority over them. A partner who responds like this believes themselves to be in a similar position, rather than respecting you as an equal. That’s not okay. Relationships are all about communication and negotiation, not dictatorship.

4. “You’re embarrassing me, and yourself.”

A man and woman sitting in a cozy cafe, engaged in conversation. The man holds a mug, and there's a dessert on the table. The woman gestures with her hand. They seem to be having a serious discussion. Smartphones and a vase with flowers are on the table.

This is another phrase that disrespectful people use to control their partner’s behavior. You could be dancing with friends at a party, and they’ll decide that they don’t approve of your actions instead of encouraging you to have fun. They’ll use this phrase in an attempt to shame you and force you to stop.

5. “It was just a joke—get over it.”

A man sitting on a couch with arms crossed, looking away, while a woman in a red blouse sits beside him, gently touching his shoulder. The setting appears to be a bright living room, suggesting a serious or emotional conversation.

There’s a TikTok video going around about a woman who ended her marriage after her husband shoved cake in her face at their vow renewal ceremony, despite promising not to. If you tell your partner that something upsets you, and they do it anyway because “it’s funny”, they don’t respect you at all.

6. “It’s not bothering me, so I don’t care.”

A man and a woman are standing in a bright room, engaged in a heated conversation. The man has an expressive gesture with one hand extended, while the woman is gesturing with both hands. They appear to be in a dining area with a table set in the background.

A partner who cares about and respects you will make your well-being a priority. If you’re suffering because something about your living environment is making you uncomfortable, and your partner doesn’t care (and won’t do anything about it) because it’s not affecting them, that illustrates how little they respect you.

7. “Do you really need to eat that?”

A woman and a man are in a modern restaurant. She is seated at a table with sushi and a cup of tea, looking up at him. The man, in a dark blazer, stands next to her, leaning forward slightly, engaged in conversation. The restaurant has a stylish, contemporary interior.

Questions like these are used by people who try to police their partner’s behaviors, especially as far as their body shape is concerned. A partner who loves and respects you unconditionally might encourage you to eat well and exercise with them, rather than implying that you “don’t need” any extra calories.

8. “You’re acting just like (your parent, step-parent, etc).”

A woman with long blonde hair in a white tank top and a man with a beard in a plaid shirt are standing in a kitchen, holding white mugs. The kitchen has white cabinets and a tiled backsplash. They appear to be engaged in a conversation.

Your partner likely knows more about you than anyone else, and therefore knows all about the traumas and issues you have with others. Telling you that you’re behaving like someone you despise, or who harmed you in the past, is a horribly disrespectful way to manipulate you into behaving differently.

9. “I don’t know how you managed to survive without me.”

A woman and a man are sitting at a table in a restaurant, engaged in conversation. The woman gestures with her hand while the man focuses on his meal. There are plates of food and a glass of wine in front of them.

Partners who like to power trip often use this phrase, whether it’s to manipulate those who are financially dependent upon them, or to humiliate those with executive dysfunction or other disabilities to make them feel incompetent. Everyone has personal struggles, but all are worthy of respect regardless of their challenges.

10. “Stop being so difficult.”

Two people sit at a white table in a modern, minimalistic kitchen, having a conversation. A man with short dark hair holds a mug, wearing a light blue shirt over a white tee. A person with curly hair is seen from the back. A smartphone and décor are on the table.

Once again, this is something that a frustrated parent might say to a child or a pet they perceive as being defiant, instead of doing what they’re told. You aren’t a subordinate who should be obeying their commands: you’re their partner, and their equal, and should be respected as such.

11. “You’re not allowed to tell anyone about this.”

A woman in a yellow shirt and a man in a gray shirt, holding a mug, are standing together in a modern kitchen. The woman is near the stove, and there are jars and kitchen decor in the background. Both appear to be engaged in conversation.

A partner who cares about and respects you won’t interfere in your social life. In contrast, one who’s controlling and disrespectful will believe that they’re entitled to dictate whom you are or are not “allowed” to communicate with, and may go so far as to check your messages to ensure your compliance.

12. “You’re not smart enough for that.”

A man and a woman sit across from each other at a small table in a brightly-lit cafe. They appear to be engaged in a deep conversation, with their attention focused on each other. A small potted plant and a glass are on the table.

Excuse me? If a partner tells you that you’re somehow not smart enough to understand something—or pursue a particular topic—ask yourself why you’re with this person. This is one of the most disrespectful and unloving things your chosen life partner could possibly say to you.