If someone wants to escape their unhappiness, they should ditch these 12 behaviors

Drop these behaviors if you want to end your unhappiness.

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Although there are countless different reasons why a person might be unhappy, many people who suffer from long-term unhappiness exhibit similar behaviors. If someone wants to free themselves from that unhappiness permanently, they should determine whether they put any of the following behaviors into regular practice, and adjust those behaviors accordingly.

1. Focusing on all the awful things in the world that they can’t change.

A woman with short dark hair, wearing a red sweater, sits on a couch holding a smartphone. She rests her head on one hand, looking stressed. The background shows a cozy room with shelves and plants.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the terrible things happening in places all around the world. While it’s important to remain informed, it’s sometimes better to focus on things we can take real action to change in our communities. This is the basis for the “think globally, act locally” approach, as it encourages help and empowerment over despair.

2. Holding onto toxic partnerships long after they’ve run their course.

A woman with her hand on her temples appears distressed in the foreground, while a man with raised hand gestures is seated behind her. The background shows a living room setting with blurred furniture.

Many of us have seen relationships come to their natural end, but we have held onto them despite their swiftly waning death throes. Some people hold onto relationships like these due to the fear of being alone, but the unhappiness that they feel is often far worse than a breakup would be.

3. Only looking at the negative things in their life instead of having gratitude for the positives.

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A lot of people are deeply unhappy because they fixate upon things they feel are missing or wrong in their lives, instead of appreciating everything they have. They could be warm, safe, well fed, and loved deeply, but they’ll gripe about how their favorite coffee brand isn’t in stock, or they don’t have the newest iPhone.

4. Engaging in people-pleasing behavior instead of living authentically.

A woman in a business suit is sitting at a desk in an office, looking at her laptop with excitement. She has a big smile and is giving two thumbs up. The background features office shelves and plants.

This can include tolerating other people’s poor behaviors and pretending they aren’t an issue due to fear of confrontation, as well as pretending to be a certain way in order to be liked and respected. Living inauthentically wears away at a person’s soul over time, and can cause both anxiety and depression.

5. Depleting themselves for the sake of keeping up appearances.

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Most of us have seen social media posts from people who get up at dawn to churn butter and bake bread while dressed immaculately. Curated posts like this rarely reflect reality, and trying to keep up the facade of living this way can drain a person’s energy and leave them depleted and incredibly unhappy.

6. Expecting to look and feel the same way forever.

An elderly woman with light-colored hair and blue eyes is resting her head on her folded arms. She wears a white shirt with pink polka dots and has a thoughtful, wistful expression. The background is softly blurred, suggesting an indoor setting.

Countless people experience unhappiness because they want things to remain exactly as they are, and that includes their appearance. Learning to embrace the aging process can alleviate a lot of unhappiness, as well as feelings of personal inadequacy. The key is to accept personal evolution with as much grace as possible.

7. Getting trapped in a cycle of overindulgence and self-loathing.

A person with short hair sits on a beige couch, holding a glass of red wine, appearing thoughtful. They wear a gray sweater, brown pants, and wool socks. The room is softly lit, featuring plants, a vintage radio, and a framed photograph on the wall.

Someone who’s feeling unhappy with their life might over-indulge in food, sleep, intoxicants, or distractions, and then feel shame for their perceived weakness or laziness. Then they’ll self-soothe their hurt feelings with the same substances or distractions again, and the cycle keeps repeating itself until they choose to stop it.

8. Choosing the comfort of familiarity over the fear of change.

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We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: what someone isn’t changing, they’re choosing. A lot of people choose to remain in unhappy circumstances because at least they know what they’re dealing with. Fear of the unknown—including the potential of being in worse circumstances—prevents countless people from escaping their misery.

9. Self-sabotaging behavior.

A man with a thoughtful expression sits outdoors against a textured dark wall, resting his chin on his hands. He wears a black sweater and has short brown hair and a beard.

A person who’s feeling unhappy about their current circumstances, health, fitness level, or skill in a particular field might self-sabotage any attempts to improve it due to fear of failure. They might feel that the grief of defeat would far outweigh the current sorrowful longing that they’re experiencing.

10. Avoiding reality.

A woman with a thoughtful expression gazes out of a window, partially covered by venetian blinds. She has her hands near her chin and is wearing a blue striped shirt and earrings. The room is softly lit with natural light filtering through the blinds.

For some people, their unhappiness is due to their refusal to accept things as they are. Instead, they cling to how things could be (or should be, from their perspective), and they simply can’t come to terms with the truth that what they want will never come to pass.

11. Living in the past.

A man with short, light brown hair is gazing to the side. He is wearing a dark jacket and a white collared shirt. His hand is raised near his face, lightly touching his cheek. The background is dark, emphasizing his profile and thoughtful expression.

Whether a person has stagnated at the point of their glory days, or is ruminating over past traumas, they’re living in the past instead of the present. Those days are gone, and trying to cling to them means that the present moment is lost, and the future is unfolding without conscious input.

12. Living in the future.

A man with short hair and a beard, wearing a red shirt, looks directly at the camera with a thoughtful expression, resting his chin on his hand. The background is blurred but suggests an outdoor setting near a body of water.

In the same way that some people can get mired in the past, others may believe that they’ll stop feeling unhappy when specific parameters have been met, like after they’ve lost X amount of weight, or achieved X goal. But placing happiness as a reward for future achievement robs today of its joy.