Has anyone ever told you you’re “high-strung?”
Or have you reached that conclusion yourself by observing your thoughts and behaviors?
Although this label is often used in a demeaning way—usually to try to control another person’s behavior—it can also be helpful when trying to describe one’s feelings and impulses.
After all, once you can put a name to what it is you’re experiencing, you can work on sorting it out so it doesn’t trouble you (or others) quite so much.
Let’s explore what it means and how to stop being so high-strung if you can see it is having a detrimental effect on your life.
What does it mean to be high-strung?
Interestingly enough, I know the definition for this term because I’m an archer, and that’s where the phrase originated.
When you string a bow, the goal is to create enough tension so your arrows fly well and true. If you attach the string too high on the bow’s upper limb, it causes too much tension. Sure, you’ll get a strong pull on the bow, but it’s likely to snap fairly easily.
Similarly, a person who’s high-strung might feel like they have a lot of intensely powerful emotions just below the surface. All it takes is the tiniest pull for those emotions to come bursting out. Those can manifest as tears, anger, enthusiasm, terror, and more.
This can be difficult for the individual to deal with, as they might feel like they have no control over their own behaviors. Since they’re easily “triggered,” they may avoid situations that could cause these outbursts to be unleashed. As you can imagine, this can be hugely detrimental to them when trying to cultivate close relationships, whether friendly, romantic, professional, or otherwise.
If you’re high-strung, then the emotions and impulses you feel at times can be absolutely overwhelming. It may seem as though you have no choice but to be swept along with the current and let these thoughts and feelings burn themselves out before you can function again. From how I’ve heard it described, it sounds rather like trying to keep soda crammed into a bottle after it’s been shaken and the cap has been loosened.
So, what can you do about it?
1. Figure out what flavor high-strung you are.
First and foremost, determine how being high-strung manifests for you. Are you quick to anger? Or are you constantly on the verge of an anxiety attack? Does the tiniest thing excite you and agitate you? Or are you nervous and skittish, jumping at the tiniest sound or unexpected movement?
Alternatively, are you the type of person who isn’t anxious or irritable, but instead has way more energy and enthusiasm than you know what to do with? Maybe you’ve often been told by people to use your “inside voice” because you’re being too loud, or to “tone it down” because you’re talking a million miles a minute about the thing that you’re SO EXCITED about.
Once you’ve determined how your behavior presents itself, you can work on adjusting and even reversing some of your reactions. This will, of course, require you to delve into how and where this behavior originated (as mentioned above). Then, you can determine how you’d like to go about managing these traits in a manner that best suits you.
You may be surprised to discover that the traits that labeled you as “high-strung” in one scenario are of immense benefit in another.
2. Determine whether current lifestyle factors are adding to your high frequency.
Quite often, food and environmental sensitivities are determined by how the body feels after consuming or being exposed to a stressor. Well, the same goes for emotional stressors. There can be a number of different things we consume or expose ourselves to that can make us far more high-strung than we would otherwise be.
If you haven’t been tested for food allergies or sensitivities yet, consider doing so. You might be eating something on the daily that you had no idea you were allergic or sensitive to, and it might be wreaking havoc on your system—causing inflammation, insomnia, hyperactivity, and countless other issues.
And don’t assume that a negative allergy test means diet is not an issue for you. Food sensitivities may be undetectable through standard tests but can still have a major impact on your body. Elimination diets can help you to identify potential sensitivities, though this should be done with the guidance of a medical professional.
Finding this out might shed a ton of light on certain behavioral patterns. You may discover that rather than being high-strung, you’re simply sensitive to nightshades, gluten, or sugar.
Note that these kinds of allergies aren’t just limited to foods. People can have similar reactions from tobacco smoke, ingredients in personal care products, and environmental allergens like pet dander, black mold, and so on.
If and when you find out that you have these kinds of sensitivities, eliminating them from your diet (and finding alternatives so you don’t feel that you’re missing out) will undoubtedly create a marked improvement in your health and emotional stability.
3. Use your traits to your greatest advantage.
Please remember that there’s nothing inherently “wrong” with being high-strung. This kind of behavior and wiring absolutely has its time and place, and it can even be beneficial depending on the situation.
For example, being high-strung often comes with being highly sensitive. These traits can indicate high intelligence and energy levels. As you may have noticed, many aspects of modern life seem to demand that people all behave the same way, regardless of their own natural inclinations.
A young child who has an extraordinary amount of energy might be labeled as a “problem student” because they can’t/won’t sit still in a classroom all day. When they get older, they may have similar difficulties sitting at a desk in an office where they’re expected to be still and quiet. All their natural programming is screaming against the constraints they find themselves in, and that will escape the only way it can: through emotional outbursts, anxiety, overperformance, and so on.
To counteract this, harness your natural leanings and choose a career or pastime that’s highly demanding and intensive. The flavor of this will depend on your own inclination (e.g., whether you’re naturally energetic and extraverted, or intensely focused and introverted—or any combination thereof).
An intense introvert who is goal-oriented and a perfectionist might thrive in a field in which they have to be very precise about their work. They may also be able to use their intense focus to learn things like languages or other demanding subject matter.
Meanwhile, the person who has a ton of physical energy might do well in a career where they have to interact enthusiastically with a lot of people. Event coordination and public relations would be great for them, as they can channel their energy into being friendly and “on” all the time.
Remember that nothing is ever “good” or “bad,” it’s just interpreted differently depending on the scenario. If your natural energy doesn’t fit your environment, then change the environment, right?
4. Learn to mirror the energy of those around you.
As we mentioned earlier, this world often demands that people behave a certain way in specific situations. This is why we get frowned at if we laugh at a funeral or break out dancing at an art gallery. Macro society expects certain behaviors and judges/punishes those who don’t fall into line.
When it comes to a shared home dynamic—either with family members or housemates—dealing with those who don’t share the same “beat” as you can be difficult to deal with. This is particularly true if you’re a fairly calm, quiet individual and one household member spins and whirls like the Tasmanian Devil on a wild bender.
It’s even more frustrating when you’re the individual who has an extraordinary amount of energy and intense emotions—it can be incredibly difficult to temper your output. You might be told that your mere presence is difficult for others to handle because of the vibes you put out.
You know how you can “just tell” if those you share living space with are happy, angry, or upset, because of the energy coming off them? High-strung people can emanate a sort of intense humming pitch that can be quite intolerable for anyone in sustained close proximity. This energy can’t be blocked out and causes the same anxious irritation as having to listen to an ambulance siren for a protracted period of time. You may not be that high-strung by your own interpretation, but your resonance may be a bit much for those slowpokes!
As a result, you can learn to modulate your energy and tone to suit your surroundings.
Imagine this rather like when you have to speak more loudly to someone who’s sitting in another room. You wouldn’t use the same amount of volume to speak to them if they were standing right in front of you, right? The same goes for the energy that you’re exuding.
If those around you like things to be a bit more calm and peaceful, then avoid spinning and whirling around when they’re nearby. Are you full of energy that needs to expend itself? Then do something physical like going for a run or a bike ride to burn some of it off. Then, when you come back home, you’ll be much more relaxed and you’ll hum at a similar frequency to everyone else.
5. Readjust your surroundings.
This expands upon the ideas above regarding finding careers, hobbies, and other interests that best suit your energy levels.
While it’s great to be able to modulate your own energy to suit others around you, it’s even better to put yourself in circumstances where you don’t have to. Much like switching jobs in order to use your energy levels to their best potential, it might benefit you greatly to change your living environment, friend group, and even intimate relationship if need be.
After all, if the people around you are constantly demanding that you change yourself to better suit their whims, that’s an uncomfortable situation to deal with. You won’t be able to be truly yourself around them, and it’s exhausting to have to pretend to be something you’re not just to be more palatable to others.
If your friends are low-energy and you aren’t, hang out with people whose zests for life mirrors your own. Similarly, if you’re in a home environment that’s chaotic and makes you feel jumpy and anxious all the time, move. You’re not a tree; you can pick up and go elsewhere.
Change your surroundings, change your life.
6. Try some breathwork and energy-grounding techniques.
I think that just about everyone can benefit from meditation of one form or another. The type of meditation that benefits the individual, however, will depend on what kind of person they are.
For example, a person who’s naturally quite anxious can learn breathing techniques and utilize complementary coping strategies to help control anxiety. Breath is life, and breathing exercises are some of the best out there for coming back into oneself and controlling emotional storms.
In addition to using breathwork techniques, you can use five senses meditation to be more grounded in the present moment. This refocuses your energy and attention on what is immediately tangible, and it can lessen the overwhelming waves of panic that might otherwise push you to run away from a situation or become hysterical.
Those who are quick to anger or are easily irritated can also benefit from this kind of breathing and presence techniques, but they may also do well with physical meditations. Tai chi, yoga, kun mye, and chi gung are a few styles that could be of benefit. “Hot” emotions like anger tend to ripple through the body like a storm, so doing physical grounding work acts like a heat sink or lightning rod—literally grounding that energy so it doesn’t explode outward.
7. Consider gradual exposure and desensitization (with a caveat).
This technique won’t work for everyone, but it can be beneficial for certain people. We would not recommend it for people who are sensitive or “easily” overwhelmed because they are autistic. Autism is a neurological difference that cannot be “re-wired” (and neither should it). Trying to eradicate sensory needs by exposure therapy that arise from autism can be harmful and traumatic. In these instances, you are better off readjusting your surroundings and finding ways to accommodate your sensory sensitivities.
However, those who are not autistic, but are sensitive to sudden movements and sharp noises can desensitize themselves through exposure in a controlled environment. These kinds of sensitivities can often spring from trauma, especially in childhood, but they are not limited thereto.
Someone who has PTSD from military action might get jumpy at sudden loud “BANG” noises. They may be constantly on edge, bracing themselves for the inevitable heart-racing and fight-or-flight response they’ll get.
A great way to reduce this response is to hear these sounds, but in surroundings where they feel safe. They can start by controlling when and where they hear these sounds, as well as the intensity of the sound itself. Once they get more comfortable with that, they can get someone they trust to control the noises instead. Over time, through exposure, they’ll become less and less sensitive to that kind of stimuli.
Similarly, someone who’s quick to anger or tears from certain emotional triggers can also expose themselves very gradually to things that they know will “trigger” them. By controlling these triggers, they can learn coping strategies for dealing with the emotional wave that’ll hit them. Then, when and if these triggers happen out in the world, they’ll be less likely to blow up or fall apart.
8. Learn to ignore (or diffuse) negative self-talk.
More often than not, your perception of what others think is actually far from the truth. Instead, it’s the negative self-talk in your own mind—possibly influenced by crappy things others have said to you in the past— that has you condemning yourself for not being good enough (or being too much). This causes a ton of emotional turmoil.
But you don’t have to listen to those voices.
These mental “hungry ghosts” are often cruel. They’ll deride our accomplishments, criticize our appearance, tell us we’re worthless, and so on. Fortunately, the cure for this is simple:
Engage with these negative voices and ask them about themselves. Since they have such a negative view on you, ask the voice that arises what it has accomplished that day. Has it done anything of worth? Has it received love and care from anyone?
The only answer you’ll get back is silence, and that in itself will speak volumes.
You will also benefit from the advice we give in another of our articles: 8 Highly Effective Steps To Silencing Your Inner Critic
When you don’t feel like you constantly have pressure up your backside—not even from your own psyche—you can’t help but relax a bit. Your shoulders will retract from your ears, your breathing will slow down, and you’ll be significantly less high-strung.
So, take a deep breath, draw your energy down your spine and into the ground, let go of any negativity that comes up, and just BE.
9. Find a therapist who can help you work through root causes.
If you know (or even have a hunch) that your high-strung nature is due to difficulties you’ve experienced in the past, then you may wish to work with someone who can help you to heal those issues at their source.
For instance, if your relentless perfectionism is due to criticism and cruelty you experienced in the past, a good therapist can help you unravel that, and rebuild your self-confidence in a way that’s healthier for you.
Quite often, highly strung people feel that something is lacking in themselves, which pushes them to try harder and worry more. They often feel the need to be validated by their peers. Unfortunately, this can have the opposite effect. People might react negatively to this need for validation and see it as needy or too much to deal with, which will cause the high-strung person to need even more reassurance. It’s a saddening, complicated feedback loop that rarely results in anything positive.
But by working with a therapist, you can address this need for validation in a healthy and controlled way so that you can rein in the behaviors that stem from it. This can mean you feel more comfortable in your own skin, more relaxed around others, and less susceptible to emotional outbursts when something happens that challenges your sense of self-worth.
However your high-strung personality manifests, a mental health professional can help you.
