12 Ways To Proactively Improve Your Relationship Instead Of Doing Nothing And Hoping For The Best

Don’t sit on your hands when it comes to your relationship.

A couple wearing white shirts is smiling affectionately with their noses touching. The man has short brown hair, and the woman has curly blonde hair. They appear happy and are facing each other closely, suggesting a moment of intimacy.

It would be great if relationships coasted on their own momentum indefinitely, and remained perfectly solid and healthy over time. In reality, they require work and maintenance just like everything else. Here are some ways that you can ensure your partnership keeps improving, rather than simply hoping that it’ll keep sailing smoothly without any intervention.

1. Communicate regularly with authenticity.

A man and a woman sit across from each other at a wooden table, holding white mugs and smiling. They are both wearing white shirts. A bright window with greenery in the background illuminates the scene. Glasses rest on the table near the woman.

Keep speaking with your partner on a regular basis to check on what’s going well, as well as if potential issues are bubbling under the surface. And that means more than just small talk—you need to sit down, avoid distractions, and truly communicate your authentic thoughts, feelings, and concerns with each other. That way, you can bolster the strengths and patch up any small cracks before they turn into bigger ones.

2. Make a greater effort with small kindnesses.

A man and a woman wearing sunglasses stand together outdoors, with the woman adjusting her sunglasses. The sun casts a warm glow, and they are surrounded by a blurred natural background. Both wear light-colored clothing and appear relaxed.

Many small kindnesses turn into a mountain of goodwill. Doing small things for one another consistently (regardless of your or their mood) is akin to little gusts of wind keeping a kite aloft. It’s much easier to keep something in the air than to toss it back up once it’s hit the ground.

3. Don’t take things personally.

A man and a woman are sitting on a couch engaged in a serious conversation. They are gesturing with their hands, indicating that they are having a disagreement or intense discussion. The background shows a window with a view of green foliage outside.

Sometimes, people are going through a lot of internal turmoil, and the way that they are behaving has little or nothing to do with you—or by extension, your relationship. Don’t be moved by their moods, and learn to recognize the intention behind their actions.

4. Keep things exciting.

A man and a woman enjoying glasses of red wine outdoors. They are standing close to each other, smiling and making eye contact. The setting appears to be a sunny day with trees and a building in the background. Both are dressed casually.

One sad truth about adult life is that it can get monotonous. We fall into schedules of work/cooking/housework/sleep with little variety, except for obligatory holidays. Instead, make a point of celebrating things on a regular basis. This gives you occasions to look forward to, and opportunities for fun and joy with your beloved.

5. Lift their spirits with little gestures.

A man and woman enjoy a relaxed moment on a balcony. He wears a patterned sweater and holds a mug, while she sits on the railing, wearing a crochet top and holding sprigs of dried flowers. A colorful blanket is draped over the railing.

Keep an eye out for media and fun things that you know will bring joy and happiness to the one you love. Watch their eyes light up when you show them that you’ve found a TV series or a game that they might like, for no other reason than you love them and want them to be happy.

6. Don’t “problem dump” on them all the time.

A man and a woman are sitting closely on a couch in a cozy environment. The man has his arm around the woman, who looks upset with her eyes closed and hand on her neck. The man appears to be comforting her, with his eyes closed and forehead touching hers.

Don’t treat your partner as your pack mule, whether it’s asking them to carry your share of responsibilities, or using them as an outlet for emotional turmoil. If you’ve had a crap day, don’t just unleash your ire at them and leave them doing all the washing up.

7. Get into the habit of asking what you can do for them, rather than just what they can do for you.

A man and a woman stand side by side against a gray background, both with hands in their pockets. They are wearing light blue button-up shirts and blue jeans. The man has short brown hair, and the woman has blonde hair pulled back. Both have a neutral expression.

It is not in the spirit of love to constantly dump workloads onto your partner. If you wonder why they’re looking drained, worn, and tired all the time, here’s a clue: they’re doing a lot more than you are, and the temporary benefits you’re reaping from your irresponsibility will hit you when they get seriously ill and collapse. Share the load more fairly by asking how you might ease their burden.

8. Sharpen your awareness of their shifting moods and disposition.

A man and a woman are sitting in a living room. The man sits in an armchair, looking towards the camera with a serious expression. The woman, sitting on a couch with her hand touching her chin, gazes thoughtfully to the side. A potted plant is in the background.

Look for subtle cues that things may be upsetting the balance between you. They might show less joy seeing you in the morning or after work, or you might notice that they haven’t been smiling or laughing as much as they used to. These are signs of issues that should be addressed—not ignored until they improve. Practice this until you’re able to spot changes in behavior as soon as they appear, although as per tip #3, learn to discern between potential relationship issues and when your partner is suffering from external factors. How you should respond will differ accordingly.

9. Don’t blow off plans with your partner.

A man and a woman are standing in a bowling alley, each holding a bowling ball. The man is holding a black ball, and the woman is holding a red one. They appear to be conversing. Bowling pins and balls are visible in the foreground, and a beer bottle is on the table.

If you make date night plans with your partner, keep to them instead of canceling them if something more interesting comes along, or you’re simply not feeling it at the time. Treat one another like you did when you were dating, make an effort with one another, and you’ll avoid potential resentment.

10. Constantly stay apprised of their interests.

A man and woman sit on a couch intensely playing video games. Both are holding controllers, focused on the screen. There is a glass of white wine on the table in front of them. A bookcase filled with books and decorative items is visible in the background.

You don’t have to love Outlander or sports, but if they do, keep notes about a few things that are important to them. If you get into an in-depth discussion of a particular team (or character), you’ll win massive points. This also makes holiday gift-giving significantly easier.

11. Make each other your primary focus on a regular basis.

A couple sits on a beach wrapped in a striped blanket, smiling at the camera as the sun sets. Behind them, friends are gathered around a campfire, enjoying the warm glow and relaxed atmosphere. The scene is lit with golden, ambient light, evoking a cozy, intimate feel.

Light a fire, turn off the WiFi, and sit and talk together. Read to each other (or listen to an audiobook), play chess or Scrabble, and keep getting to know one another as you evolve respectively. Since people are always growing and changing, make sure it’s together rather than apart.

12. Remember that just because your partner is capable, that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate help and support.

A man and a woman are playfully engaging in a mock sword fight in a bright, modern kitchen. The man wields a duster, and the woman uses a mop. Both are wearing casual clothes and cleaning gloves, and they appear to be having fun. The kitchen is clean and organized.

Let’s say your partner is out fixing the car’s engine in the pouring rain. It would mean the world to them if you came out with a cup of tea and an umbrella and showed support and interest. They’ve got this, but you’re showing them that you’re still doing what you can to help.