These are the outward signs and behaviors of an inwardly angry person.
Anger isn’t an emotion that everyone is happy to show to the world. Some people prefer to be calm and measured on the outside, despite what may be going on below the surface. But if you see several of the following behaviors in someone, there is a good chance that they are hiding some rage—or at least persistent annoyance—out of view.
1. Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is an unhealthy way that some people demonstrate their anger. Instead of approaching the situation openly, they become silent to control the situation. Some see this as a way to punish or control the person that they are angry at by not allowing them to process their emotions. It’s a way to manipulate the other person by making them feel bad or compel them to earn the angry person’s favor so they will communicate again.
2. Passive-Aggression
According to an article on The British Association of Anger Management, people use passive-aggression because “they are keenly aware of how acting out their anger is unacceptable in most situations” Instead of directly expressing their anger, they use backhanded compliments or sarcasm to veil their anger without actually confronting it. Passive-aggression can also be physical actions, like forgetting their responsibilities or doing things poorly or unprofessionally for the person they are angry with.
3. Over-Control and Micromanagement
Many people who have difficulties with anger also have issues with expressing any negative emotions. They lack a sense of control over themselves so they exhibit it in other ways. Micromanagers often excuse their behavior as just caring a lot about the activity being done “right.” In reality, they are exerting control externally because they don’t have control internally. Micromanagement pairs with anxiety because disruptions or a lack of peace can result in anxiety which creates anger as a response.
4. Excessive Politeness
Anger is sometimes veiled behind politeness. This is an example of reaction formation, a psychological defense mechanism that manifests as an unconscious attempt to replace an emotion with its opposite. The angry person overcompensates with friendliness or politeness so as to avoid directly expressing their anger or resentment. Politeness driven by anger is a passive-aggressive way to express that emotion, however it often comes off as insincere. The angry person may just be trying to get through the conversation because they can’t talk about it either. It’s often used when someone can’t express their anger in a situation, like with a boss at work.
5. Procrastination
Angry people may procrastinate as a subtle way to protest demands or expectations. For many people, being angry at someone makes it harder to want to do things for them. They may have obligations they can’t avoid, but instead of canceling them, the angry person may just put them off to the last minute or reschedule as a quiet middle finger to whoever they are angry at. This is another way that someone may express anger in a situation where they can’t openly do it, like at work.
6. Deflection
Angry people often want to control the flow of conversation so as to avoid expressing their actual emotions. Deflection is a common way to do that. Deflection is simply the art of sidestepping a subject or shrugging it off by minimizing it. An extremely common way to deflect is with humor. You ask a person a serious question and then they make a joke about it. Self-deprecating jokes work well because the other person will pick up on the discomfort and not pry further.
7. Complaining
You may think that venting frustrations is a good way to express one’s anger. However, in the context of internal anger, they don’t necessarily vent their frustrations about the source of their anger. Instead, they vent their frustration about the circumstances around their anger. For example, maybe they’re angry about a coworker wronging them. Instead of saying that the coworker wronged them, they may complain about the conditions, the boss, the quality of work, or the job itself.
8. Avoidance
People often avoid the source of their anger so as to not trigger it. That can manifest as behaviors like the silent treatment, avoiding the person altogether, or not answering calls or texts. They may also avoid situations that may trigger their anger, like not wanting to go to work or see family members that they have a problem with. Avoidance is unhealthy because it never directly addresses the issue which strings the problem out for longer than it needs to.
9. Overreacting to Minor Issues
Simmering anger can easily explode into much bigger anger when it’s not addressed. Being angry causes one’s emotional buffer to wear thin. That is, we all have an emotional buffer that lets us get through the day without getting too upset or bothered about things. Emotionally healthy people have a thicker buffer so it’s easier for them to shrug off those negative things. People with a thinner emotional buffer may experience and exhibit negative emotions much more intensely.
10. Body Language
There are different aspects of body language that can point to suppressed anger. According to BetterHelp, some common signs are a clenched jaw, crossed arms, or avoiding eye contact. The person may also make intense eye contact, not blinking as they stare at the subject of their anger. Despite asking, the person will verbally deny their anger. Communication may also be curt, in that they will only issue short answers to questions and try to leave a conversation as soon as they can.
11. Frequent Criticism
One way that anger can manifest is through criticism. The angry person is frustrated with a situation or person so they criticize it instead of addressing the source of their anger. It’s not always limited to the people or circumstances involved, either. Due to having a low emotional buffer, that person may find themselves easily irritated and criticizing other people because their anger is influencing their perceptions of all situations.
12. Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a subconscious behavior that may be an expression of anger and frustration. An angry person may look at a positive situation but decide they don’t want to be any part of it because elements of that situation may be agitating them. The same thing happens with angry people. Angry people don’t often want to be around happy people because they are consciously or subconsciously reminded that they are unhappy. Rather than dealing with it, they may self-isolate or otherwise sabotage the relationship.
