Some people have few close friends, despite their immense kindness.
There are many reasons why people may not have close friends, even if they’re wonderful, kind-hearted beings who only have others’ best interests at heart. Those who are immensely kind, but still have a lack of close friends, often share the traits listed below.
1. They nurture the vulnerable and/or innocent.
Some of the kindest people you’ll ever meet are those who put all their time and effort into nurturing and protecting the vulnerable and innocent. They may not have many close friends, but they spend all their time reading to the elderly, working with special needs kids, volunteering at animal shelters, and so on.
2. They tend to be quiet and introverted.
People who have wide circles of friends are often gregarious extraverts who get recharged by other people’s company. In contrast, introverts often end up feeling depleted by too much social interaction, which leads them to pursue solitary interests in quieter, calmer environments that won’t tax them as much. Researchers believe there are 4 types of introverts—and particular traits do vary between types—but all tend enjoy lots of alone time.
3. They enjoy the company of animals (often more than people).
Those who struggle with verbal/auditory interaction (such as the aforementioned introverts and/or those who are neurodivergent) are often much more content in the company of animals than other people. They can be completely themselves with non-human companions, communicating through body language in comfortable silence without fear that their kindness will be taken advantage of.
4. They’re often quite artistic and highly intelligent.
Creative, fiercely intelligent people who enjoy cerebral pursuits can often feel alienated from their peers. They generally despise “small talk” and would rather discuss deep topics or spend their time working on creative endeavors like music or art than socialize with people who don’t understand them.
5. They are less socially oriented.
Some people just aren’t terribly socially inclined. They enjoy their alone time, and see social interactions as irritations that keep them from pursuing their solitary interests. They may do nice things like bake for their neighbors or make things for charity, but they’ll do so at home, on their own.
6. They sometimes experience social anxiety.
It is estimated that around 12% of U.S. adults will experience social anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. For those who suffer from social anxiety and get paralyzed by the fear of being awkward in front of other people, spending time with friends can be a harrowing experience rather than a nourishing one. People like this often choose the authenticity of solitude over the anxiety of interpersonal interactions.
7. They dance to their own tune.
Those free spirits who live life on their own terms can get frustrated or even depressed by those who adhere stringently to social norms. If they can’t connect and “grok” with those who truly understand them, they’d rather spend time in their own company, putting energy into things that mean the most to them.
8. They are wary of other people and their motivations.
Those who have been severely mistreated by people may be hesitant to let others close to them, especially if so-called friends had betrayed and hurt them in the past. They’ll be pleasant enough in passing, but keep most people at a distance as a means of self-preservation and protection.
9. They display excessive neediness or clinginess.
Some people are their own worst enemies when it comes to how they behave with new friends. If a naturally kind person feels that they have a connection with someone, they might cling to them desperately out of fear that they’ll lose them. This inevitably pushes that person away since they feel overwhelmed.
10. They have people-pleasing tendencies that damage themselves.
Sometimes, kind people don’t have close friends because those friends will bring attention to their situation but insist it be kept a secret. For example, if someone has an abusive partner but they insist on fawning over them, it’s difficult and frustrating to remain close friends while remaining silent about their unhealthy codependency.
11. They are awkward in social settings.
People who never learned decent social skills can behave in a silly or inappropriate fashion around others, which may result in a dearth of close friends. This can also happen with those who are neurodivergent: they may be immensely kind, but their lack of understanding of unspoken social rules can be alienating to others.
12. They are often exhausted.
Some people are far too depleted by their personal daily obligations to be able to interact with close friends the way they want to. Whether they’re drained by a demanding profession like nursing or firefighting, or are exhausted by parenting and household obligations, they literally have nothing left to give to potential friends.
