15 Ways To End A Relationship And Keep It Classy
Breaking up with someone certainly isn’t easy. It can be hard to tell the truth when you know that it will be difficult to hear. But what’s the alternative?
Giving closure is like ripping the BAND-AID off quickly. It is very uncomfortable, but it doesn’t last long.
Keeping someone guessing instead could make them wonder, grieve, and question themselves for a long time. Be fair and keep it classy by following these steps:
1. Don’t ghost.
Ghosting means that you stop talking to a person out of nowhere and ignore their attempts to talk to you again.
It’s the easy way out. For you, at least.
Research shows that for your partner, it is very distressing. It might even be the worst way of breaking up with them. They’re left with no explanation for your behavior and they may keep hoping to get one eventually.
This is very wrong, especially if you’ve been together for a while. Ghosting is the cowardly way out, and it isn’t fair to the person that you’re ignoring.
2. Don’t block or unfriend them.
Ending a relationship on social media certainly isn’t a classy way to do it. Your relationship probably didn’t exist purely on social media, so it shouldn’t end there either.
Don’t block a person or unfriend them to end a relationship with them. After you’ve had a conversation in person or over the phone, you can block or unfriend them if they’re disrespecting your boundaries.
If they constantly try to get back together with you or bother you in other ways, feel free to stop them from doing so. However, make sure that you’ve first clearly said that that’s not what you want.
If you have left a person thinking that they could still have something with you, it’s wrong to block or unfriend them. Give them an explanation and be honest and upfront about what you want and don’t want.
When you block someone, you’re preventing them from asking you questions about what happened. And they might desperately need those answers that you owe them.
3. Don’t avoid talking to them.
People tend to start avoiding a person that they want to break up with because it’s uncomfortable to talk to them about it. Well, you’ll just have to accept that some conversations in life aren’t that pleasant to have.
Don’t avoid talking to your partner just because you’re afraid to tell them the truth. Think about what you want to say to them ahead of time so that you can phrase it right. Then consider what their reaction might be.
No matter how nicely you phrase things, you’re still breaking up with them, so they’ll probably feel hurt. This is especially true if they didn’t see it coming.
Prepare them for what you’re going to say by mentioning the problems in your relationship and then gently let them down.
4. Don’t feel guilty.
People often avoid giving closure because breaking someone’s heart makes them feel guilty. However, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. You’re just doing what you think is in your best interest, and no one can blame you for that.
If you’re not happy in a relationship with someone, it’s okay to end things with them. After all, what’s the alternative?
You don’t want to be stuck in a relationship with someone that you don’t want to be with, for whatever reason that is.
Your partner might not be happy with you anymore themselves. However, it still hurts when someone breaks up with you. You just can’t avoid hurting their feelings. All you can do is break up with them as painlessly as possible.
5. Understand why closure is important to them.
To prevent yourself from ghosting or blocking this person, remind yourself of why the closure matters to them. As you already learned, it will make the healing process easier and faster.
They deserve to know the reason why you’re breaking up with them. So, don’t leave them guessing. Give them an explanation so that they can truly move on.
Even something like “We’re too different” or “I don’t think we can have a future together” is better than nothing.
Consider what exactly you’re going to say and try to anticipate what their questions will be. Once you’re prepared, dial their number.
6. Ask them out for coffee or have a conversation over the phone.
Don’t break up by texting them that it’s over. According to Very Well Mind, it’s always best to have these difficult conversations in person. But a phone call still beats a text message.
Have an open, heart-to-heart conversation, and don’t be in a rush to get it over with. They might not have seen this coming, so it will take them some time to process what’s happening.
When you are making plans to meet, try to set the tone. You don’t want to sound like you’re inviting them on an amazing date.
7. Give them the reasons why you’re ending things.
Once you’re having the unpleasant conversation, state the reasons why you want to end things. Maybe they’re just not your type, or you were fighting a lot.
Be careful about saying negative things about them. For instance, maybe you were feeling suffocated in the relationship because of their neediness. You could phrase this by telling them that you need more alone time and someone more independent.
You could tell them that you felt like your personal life was suffering because they constantly wanted to be with you.
Just make sure not to sound aggressive or overly critical. Try not to point out the things that they can’t do anything about, such as something related to their physical appearance.
8. Give them time to process their feelings.
Be patient when ending a relationship. Both of you will just want it to be over with as soon as possible, but don’t rush things. Talk it out and give them enough time to process their feelings.
Don’t just say what you have to say and leave. Be there for them as they accept the breakup. It shouldn’t last forever, but you should be there for as long as they need you.
They’ll probably have some questions, so be there long enough to answer them.
At first, they’ll be hurt by the breakup and possibly even shocked if it came out of nowhere. So, let them realize what’s going on and process their feelings so that they can ask you what they need to know.
9. Try to give them answers.
Their questions probably won’t be easy to answer but try to give answers and stay as honest as possible. You don’t want to insult them or make them feel bad about themselves. But, you can’t hide the truth from them either.
Be prepared for the questions about getting back together too. You want to make it clear that that’s not an option, but deliver the message in a gentle way. Even if they did nothing to cause the breakup, they’ll probably ask what they did wrong.
You don’t need to make this all about them and their shortcomings. If some of them significantly influenced your decision to end things, mention them. However, don’t make it all about them. You should take responsibility for your flaws and mistakes too.
10. Take your part of the blame.
Break up coach and dating strategist, Natalie Juarez, says it’s important not to lay all the blame on them. Did you do something to hurt them in the relationship? Are there mistakes that you want to admit? Did some of your own flaws influence your decision to break up?
Are you ready to apologize for hurting them with the breakup? Try to acknowledge your flaws and mistakes, not just theirs. Usually, both partners contribute to a relationship ending. So, take your part of the blame.
Don’t get defensive if they talk about things that they didn’t like about you. Let them tell their side of the story too. If you both say things that weren’t right between you, you are likely to come to the conclusion that it’s better to end the relationship.
In the ideal case, this won’t feel like one person breaking up with the other. It will be a mutual decision that the relationship isn’t working anymore for either of you.
11. Be honest with them.
This has been mentioned repeatedly, but that’s because it’s so important, according to relationship experts. Try to stay honest with your partner for as long as the conversation lasts.
You might be tempted to lie because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, but you are hurting them anyway.
Just try not to purposely insult them or make them feel bad about themselves. If you don’t like the way they get jealous when you talk to other people or how messy they can be, then say it.
If some of their behaviors influenced your breakup, then let them know what you didn’t like. However, don’t forget to accept your mistakes too.
12. Make it clear that you don’t want to get back together.
You should be gentle with them, but not to the point that they think getting back together is an option. Make it clear that it’s really over, and don’t give them false hope.
Avoid saying things like, “I can’t be with you right now.” This will cause them to believe that there is a possibility that you will get back together at some point.
Don’t give them a reason to think that you’ll eventually change your mind. When people do this, it’s just as bad as ghosting and blocking. It keeps your ex-partner hung up on you.
Let them go by making it clear that you don’t want to try it one more time. Sure, they might still keep hoping, but if you’ve been honest and clear, that’s on them.
13. Set clear boundaries.
How should they proceed after the breakup? Do you want to stay friends, or do you want to end all contact? Set clear boundaries and let them know how you want to proceed.
If you don’t want them to stay in touch with you, say so. You can tell them that it’s better for both of you if you don’t talk anymore. That’s a fair way of blocking someone.
Don’t say that you want to stay friends if you don’t want to hear from them again.
If you want to stay in touch with them, make it clear that it doesn’t mean that you’ll eventually want them back.
If you communicate your expectations and boundaries clearly, your ex is unlikely to disrespect your decision after the breakup.
14. Try to end things on good terms.
If you do all these things, you’re more likely to end things on good terms with your partner. There won’t be much that they can hold against you if you’ve been fair to them.
So, after the initial hurt has passed, they’re likely to move on and still consider you a good person.
A lot of people hate their exes because they haven’t been honest with them. If you’ve been honest until the end, your now ex-partner has no reason to hate or resent you.
You both did some things that you’re not proud of. But, they’ve helped you realize that you’re not a great match, even if you’re great separately. That’s a good and healthy way to end a relationship.
15. Keep in mind that you don’t have to give closure to an abusive or controlling ex.
You should be fair to your partner, but only if they’ve been fair to you too. If they know very well what they did and they abused you, you don’t owe them an explanation.
Walk away from an abusive partner without looking back or waiting to tell them.
If they have been controlling, or have treated you badly in a way that they couldn’t possibly be oblivious to, just end things.
You might still want to tell them everything to their face, but you don’t have to.
In this case, it’s even okay to simply block them on social media immediately after they hurt you. However, keep in mind that this applies to situations where your ex is a bad person, not just the wrong person for you.
If they aren’t the right fit for you—not for everyone in the world—give them closure to help them heal.
