Have you made it past the 7-year itch?
If you aren’t familiar with the expression, the “7-year itch” refers to the point at which relationship happiness tends to decline. In most cases, around the 7-year mark, couples start to bicker more, lose interest in one another, have affairs, or even split up. Those who make it past this “itch” and have happy, lifelong partnerships tend to share the characteristics listed here.
1. They both have a very good sense of humor.
It’s amazing to see what kinds of storms people can weather when both parties have a great sense of humor. This characteristic allows both of them to deal with challenges in a light-hearted and playful manner, instead of getting bogged down by stress and blaming one another for everything wrong in their lives.
2. They communicate through play, gifts, banter, and love.
There are many different ways to communicate other than verbal expressions. Those who make it past the 7-year itch tend to show their affection and love for one another in a variety of different ways, like bantering playfully, giving each other silly gifts, and writing notes on each other’s pastries.
3. They have fun together.
It may sound like a trite phrase, but the saying “couples who play together, stay together” is backed up by research. Couples who make a point of having fun together—be that with team sports, games, or creative endeavors—build lasting bonds that keep their marriages going strong for decades.
4. They want to be affectionate with one another.
Being affectionate out of a sense of obligation is awful. In contrast, cuddling and being intimate because both parties want to do so maintains the closeness between them. The intimacy doesn’t need to be intense either: simply holding hands, lying back to back, or draping over one another while watching a film counts.
5. They want to help each other out.
This could be banal house tasks, taking care of those dreaded bill payments, or navigating serious health calamities together. These couples are always there for each other, and know that working together as partners is far more effective and efficient than trying to do things on their own.
6. They’re a united team.
A solid partnership extends to them being a united front in all things. Whether they’re disciplining kids, maintaining boundaries with extended family, or dealing with unexpected life calamities, they have each other’s backs and won’t undermine each other—especially in public, or in front of other people.
7. They’re still enamored with each other.
This doesn’t mean a never-ending starry-eyed honeymoon period, as that’s unrealistic and a fantasy that young, immature people tend to cling to. Instead, the honeymoon period matures into a deeper, more heartfelt connection that’s still very red-blooded and carnal, like the Greek love labels of Eros, Ludus, and Pragma combined.
8. They respect one another.
Communication is vital, but yelling and swearing at each other can also fall under the umbrella of “communication”—it’s just not a healthy form of it. In contrast, couples who respect each other will let that respect permeate every aspect of their partnership, from personal interactions to defending each other’s boundaries.
9. They keep things interesting by introducing new, shared interests and pursuits.
Stagnant water ends up stinking and filling up with mosquito larvae. Couples whose marriages remain strong and healthy for decades are usually those who keep things fresh by introducing new interests and hobbies that both partners enjoy. Shared fun activities keep those waters flowing smoothly, and rekindle passions that might have otherwise dimmed.
10. They ask and clarify instead of jumping to conclusions.
Few things can damage a marriage like assuming things and accusing one another of those assumptions, instead of asking for clarification. In contrast, married couples who take the time to talk about their concerns instead of jumping to conclusions and getting upset about them end up lasting far longer than their more volatile counterparts.
11. They don’t live beyond their means.
The 7-year itch doesn’t just apply to emotional changes: it can also encompass the point at which combined life responsibilities and stresses start to get weightier. Couples who live modestly and report higher financial satisfaction are less likely to consider divorce. In other words, financial stress can be a cause of marital breakdown.
12. They don’t give up easily.
It’s a lot easier to throw something away than put the effort into mending it. Married couples who truly care about each other rather than seeing their partnership as disposable and replaceable will work together to get through difficult times, rather than throwing in the towel at the first sign of difficulty.
