Watch out for these 12 behaviors.
There are few feelings as terrible as the sudden sinking feeling you get when you realize you’ve trusted the wrong person. It’s especially bad if you’ve trusted this person for years, and only now discover that they’ve had ulterior motives the entire time.
Keep an eye out for these telltale signs, as they may indicate that someone close to you isn’t the trustworthy confidante you thought they were.
1. People around you suddenly know things you shared in confidence.
It’s very strange when people around you ask for details about a subject that you only ever discussed with one person. You may have trusted this person to keep this secret, but all of a sudden this information seems to be common knowledge.
Few things hurt as badly as being stabbed in the back by someone you actually allowed to get close to you, especially if you’ve kept most people at a distance due to past betrayals but finally decided to let someone “in”.
2. When they laugh or smile, it never reaches their eyes.
A sincere smile will engage the small muscles around the eyes, while a fake smile will simply engage the mouth and cheeks. Watch people carefully when they laugh or smile in your company, as their microexpressions will shed light on their true intentions.
According to research, children as young as four or five can tell a fake smile from a real one, and will intuit that those who are faking their smiles will be less likely to be nice to them.
3. This person derives a bit too much amusement from your pain.
Maybe they’re a bit too rough when they fight with you and call you a baby when you complain that they’ve hurt you. Alternatively, they may tickle you and don’t stop when you ask them to — instead, they laugh and continue doing so anyway.
This type of behavior indicates a rather strong sadistic streak, which is more common than you might imagine. Research shared on Psychology Today indicates that a startling number of people are everyday sadists, and those around them rarely have any idea.
4. They utilize intoxicants to achieve an aim with you.
Does this person often encourage you to drink with them until you pass out? Or have you found yourself spilling your guts to them while under the influence of some type of intoxicant? If so, then they may have been plying you for information when you’ve been in a vulnerable, suggestible state.
During these blackout periods (which you likely don’t remember), you may have divulged personal secrets or details, ranging from marital infidelity to the passwords to your various devices.
5. What they say to you and how they behave are two different things.
Actions speak louder than words. If this person’s actions don’t match the things they’ve said to you, be on your guard immediately.
For example, has this person said they’ve always got your back, but then they join in with others when they’re making fun of you? Or have they said they’ll be there for you any time you need their help, but they always seem to have something else that’s more important going on when you do ask them for assistance? These are clear red flags.
6. They’re “boiling the frog.”
A frog put into tepid water which is very gradually increased to boiling won’t realize the danger it’s in until it’s too late. This is much like a wolf in sheep’s clothing who gradually makes harmful changes to your relationship that go unnoticed by you because they are so slow and subtle.
Although things between you may have been equal at the beginning, you may discover that they’ve been taking advantage of you more regularly. For example, in the past, they may have let you buy lunch or pay for parking occasionally, but now they seem to expect you to do so.
Similarly, they may be overstepping when it comes to your home or workplace. They may show up uninvited and expect to be catered to, or help themselves to things in your kitchen without even asking.
7. They’re getting increasingly more controlling.
This is often the case with someone who mistakes kindness and generosity for weakness and subservience. Over time their behavior tends to get more obvious and out in the open as they grow more comfortable with being controlling and doling out orders.
They don’t like to be challenged and may act as though they’re hurt or offended if you call them out on their dominating behavior — gaslighting you into believing that you’ve taken things the wrong way, and that they would never behave in such a manner.
8. They display a sudden personality shift once they’ve achieved a goal.
Many people will create a snare of their own personality to attain a long-term goal. They’ll do their research to find out everything a person likes and then cultivate a personality that melds seamlessly with it. If a romantic relationship is the aim, the target may fall head over heels in love with the one they think is their ideal soulmate when in reality they are far, far from it.
Once the paperwork is signed, however, the carefully constructed facade drops. They’ve gotten what they wanted, and will only benefit from the situation from here on in.
9. When you meet other people who know them, they seem to describe a completely different person.
Let’s say you meet a random stranger and it comes up in conversation that they know the person in question. They might share details with you that you’d never heard before, or that completely contradict what this person has shared with you in the past.
Furthermore, the details they share might paint a completely different picture of the person you thought you knew: you may discover that they served time, or that they have kids in another city that they never told you about.
10. You’ve witnessed their mask drop in crisis situations.
One blessing that often occurs in the midst of disaster is that you see your acquaintances in a clearer light. Someone you haven’t had a great relationship with may step up and work tirelessly beside you to help out, while the wolf in sheep’s clothing will abandon you for a more comfortable situation.
Those with bad intent may also let their masks fall if they are very tired or inebriated. They may joke about hurting you in some way, or tell you how they really feel about you.
11. Topics they return to involve probing you for sensitive or financial information.
Always pay attention to what topics people keep trying to return to during conversations. For example, when you spend time with your friends, do you discuss everything under the sun? Or do some of them keep trying to prod you for information?
Some may seek to know these details just in case of an emergency so they’ll be able to retrieve your money or documents if you’re incapacitated, or if your house is burning down. You know, to “help” you.
12. They make “jokes” about blackmailing you with deeply personal information you’ve shared with them.
Few things can make your guts fall into your shoes like realizing you’ve shared some seriously sensitive information with a person who might use it to screw you over. They may have worked diligently to gain your trust over a long period of time, and you thought they had proven themselves loyal to you, but then they make a “joke” about something like this.
If this happens, change your passwords and come clean about whatever info they have so there’s no leverage over you. Don’t wait, things will only get worse with time.
