Most people look back upon relationships and friendships that ended badly, and kick themselves for not having seen glaring red flags before they got screwed over. Keep an eye out for the following calculating behaviors, as they’re often used by those whose only intention towards you is a deceitful one.
1. They’re very friendly and gregarious to strangers.
You might feel like you’ve known this person forever, even though you’ve just met them, because they immediately put you at ease. They’re very affectionate and complimentary, and will use terms like “brother”, “sister”, and “bestie” very quickly, even though they don’t know the person well at all yet.
They may even be physically affectionate, using the tactile senses to disarm their targets. Research has shown that hugging and addressing people with nicknames creates a sense of belonging, and deceitful people use this to their advantage.
2. They’re incredibly interested in the details of your personal affairs.
According to Psych Central, a deceitful person will ask sneaky questions to appear friendly whilst gaining intel on you.
They often ask questions that border on inappropriate, but brush off discomfort with assurances that they just want to get to know their new bestie better. If you do divulge anything personal, they light up like a little kid at Christmas time, delighted that you’re “spilling the tea”.
3. They’re boastful but have no evidence to back up their claims.
People like these often talk about the experiences they’ve had, but they don’t have photos or any other evidence to prove what they’re saying. They might also claim to be good friends with this or that celebrity, but if someone else also knows that person, they’ll change the subject.
4. They are eager to share details about themselves (and other people).
They’ll share their life story with complete strangers, though one can never tell whether they’re being honest about the details or not. While they’re at it, they’ll also share juicy details about others they know, with the express directive of “Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but…”
5. They boast about how honest and trustworthy they are.
Positive attributes are self-evident and thus don’t need to be bragged about. People who seem honest but are actually deceitful, will make a point of extolling their honest, virtuous behavior, even going so far as to talk about the secrets that they’ve been keeping for decades. In great detail.
6. They actively encourage people to “open up” and be more vulnerable with them.
They’ll imply that someone is being too “guarded” and will encourage them to open up and share instead of being so standoffish. Then, if someone says that they aren’t comfortable being that open with a stranger, they’ll imply that they must have something nefarious to hide if they don’t (or that there’s something seriously wrong with them).
7. They project their worst behaviors on others.
Normally we think of projection as an unconscious defense mechanism, and usually it is. However, a deceitful person might intentionally use a projection-like tactic to their advantage. For example, they might accuse others of lying, stealing, etc. to distract from the fact that they’re guilty of doing these things. You can usually tell what they’ve been up to — and are trying to hide — by paying attention to what they’re condemning other people for doing.
8. They’ll do favors or small kindnesses for others with the express purpose of being owed one in turn.
According to Psych Central, unexpected gift-giving is a sneaky way that deceitful people make others feel indebted to them. It may seem like they are doing it “for no reason” except kindness, but nothing they do is sincerely altruistic. Every move is calculated like a master chess player, in order to be able to reap the greatest reward from their actions.
Basically, if they want something from someone, they’ll find a way to do something kind for them so they’re owed a favor in the future.
9. They’ll set others up to fail.
Those who wish to remain in a position of power or advantage will sabotage other people’s actions. For example, a deceitful coworker might withhold vital information for a project or task that was assigned to you. They’ll then apologize profusely for having “forgotten” to tell you after you’ve been reprimanded by your boss for messing up.
10. They leave a trail of discarded and alienated social groups in their wake.
You’ll likely discover that these people don’t have many friends who’ve known them for longer than a couple of years. This is because they either don’t give others time to figure out who they really are, or they discard them as soon as they start to wise up, replacing them like pantry goods.
11. All their life choices are self-serving.
They carefully weigh and measure every action to ensure that it benefits them. They’ll make the moves necessary to meet the “right” people, and will often sacrifice temporary comfort or happiness for long-term gain — such as marrying someone they don’t particularly like to ensure that they get a hefty divorce settlement in a few years’ time.
12. They’re eager to borrow items but slow to return them (if ever).
Whether it’s money, belongings, books, tools, or clothes, they’ll be utterly charming when it comes to borrowing them, and then surprisingly forgetful and/or evasive when it comes to returning them. You might even discover that they “accidentally” lost, sold, or gave your items away to other people if they benefitted from doing so.
