Toxic relationships leave invisible scars that take years to heal. Even though some of the most damaging behaviors are rather obvious, others slip under our radar. They steadily erode our sense of self-worth and emotional well-being. Sometimes, these soul-crushing behaviors might appear as care, concern—or even wisdom. And that’s what makes them so dangerous. Here are 13 behaviors that you should look out for.
1. They silence your emotional truth.
The casual cruelty of emotional invalidation hurts more than outright rejection. When someone consistently responds to your feelings with dismissive phrases like “you’re being too sensitive” or “it’s not that big of a deal,” it might seem like they’re disagreeing with you. In reality, they’re systematically destroying you.
It’s a pattern that creates a particularly harmful form of self-doubt, where victims of it begin to question their very right to have feelings at all. Over time, many of these people start apologizing for natural emotional responses or they hide their feelings entirely. According to Psych Central, this can be particularly detrimental to self-esteem, and can even contribute to a person developing mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.
2. They use honesty as a guise to crush your dreams.
These people are also dream-crushers, and they weaponize realism to do so. They seem like they’re giving rational advice—but really, they have a darker agenda. They’re undermining peoples’ confidence and aspirations until their victims lose faith in their own potential.
The real damage occurs gradually as their targets internalize this negative worldview. Each time they give a “reality check,” the other person’s hope and ambition slowly start to disappear. It replaces any enthusiasm with hesitation. Worst of all, these toxic people take pride in their role as “truth-tellers.”
3. They drain your emotions.
Don’t forget about emotional vampires—these people drain the mental resources of everyone around them. They’ll give endless monologues about their problems while also showing a complete disregard for others’ needs. They can create a one-way street of emotional labor.
Friends and family members of these emotional parasites are usually exhausted yet somehow still responsible for managing the vampire’s feelings. Soon enough, the relationship becomes an endless cycle of crisis and support. The victim’s own emotional needs are ignored which creates a devastating imbalance that can continue for years.
4. They’re never satisfied with your achievements.
For these manipulators, the definition of success constantly changes and just when you think you’ve met their standards, they’ll mention new criteria. Your promotion? Oh, that wasn’t senior enough. Your thoughtful gift? Yeah, that wasn’t what they wanted—you should’ve known that. Your best effort? Well, you forgot that unmarked benchmark.
It’s an endless cycle of falling short that leaves you constantly trying to achieve perfection. And according to research, this “socially prescribed perfectionism” is particularly debilitating and harmful to mental health. Each achievement feels hollow because it’s tainted by the certainty that it won’t be enough. Rather than simply moving, the goalposts sprint ahead, always staying just out of reach.
5. They turn their kindness into emotional currency.
These people are self-proclaimed martyrs who have a long list of every favor, gesture, and sacrifice they’ve ever made. Why? Because they can turn generosity into a transaction. Essentially, they’re emotional accountants with detailed mental spreadsheets of their “investments” in relationships—ready to be cashed in at a moment’s notice.
Unfortunately, each “kindness” they’ve done grows heavier with each passing day. The recipients are in an endless cycle of debt, where genuine gratitude becomes a kind of resentment. Even the simplest of interactions becomes a complex calculation of what you might owe them which ultimately poisons the relationship.
6. They’re too critical of you.
While it might appear as support, they’re actually running a calculated campaign of undermining. They’ll give you perfectly timed discouragement—like dropping hints of doubt just before important meetings or offering “constructive” criticism when you really need to feel confident. Either way, they create small but significant obstacles that add up.
As horrible as it might be, you can’t deny that it’s a brilliant strategy—because it’s so subtle. Each criticism seems minor, potentially even helpful, and that makes it hard to identify the pattern of sabotage. Most victims often blame themselves. They never realize they’re being systematically set up for failure by someone who’s supposedly in their corner.
7. They’re always the hero in stories.
Let’s not forget the soul crusher’s remarkable ability to change history. All kinds of events are transformed when they’re talking about them, with facts rearranged to support whatever narrative best serves their needs. It’s a kind of selective memory that they’ll always use to their advantage. Any inconvenient truths are “forgotten” while the more favorable details become much more significant.
However, the true danger emerges when victims start questioning their own memories. It may start as a disagreement over minor details, but later, it becomes uncertainty about lived experiences. It’s a form of gaslighting that research shows is extremely dangerous.
8. They always seem helpless.
Professional “victims” are great at using fake helplessness to benefit themselves. No matter the issue, they will seem like they’re unable to handle basic life tasks—yet they will also be remarkably competent with things that benefit them. They can create a disaster on a whim.
Anyone around someone so dependent is always on call, dropping everything to resolve the latest emergency. Each rescue mission reinforces the cycle; it shows the helpless person that their strategy works while tiring those around them. It’s selective incompetence at its finest.
9. They turn relationships into competitions.
With this kind of person, every interaction becomes a contest and every relationship a potential rivalry. They’re puppeteers who know exactly how to pull the strings. In doing so, they can create competition where cooperation should be, turning friendships into battles. Even the most loving family relationships become power struggles.
You’re constantly under pressure to measure up, which can destroy supportive relationships by making them far more tense. People begin walking on eggshells. They just never know when their achievements or struggles might become ammunition for comparison.
10. They rewrite the rules without warning.
One of the worst aspects of this kind of person is their unpredictability. One day, being direct with them is great, and the next, it’s the worst thing in the world. Their expectations are constantly fluctuating, which sadly puts other people on edge as they look for any signs of change on the horizon.
Eventually, their targets develop a kind of sixth sense where they’re always trying to predict which version of reality they’ll see today. The simplest of interactions become much more complicated than they need to be. After all, constantly trying to work out the new rules of your relationship is certainly going to make you feel mentally exhausted and emotionally drained.
11. They threaten to hurt themselves.
Few things are more soul-crushing than someone who uses emotional extortion against you, such as threats of self-harm or abandonment. Anytime you do something they dislike, they’ll tell you about some dramatic consequences for doing so. It keeps you stuck between guilt and fear, which eventually becomes permanent anxiety.
Victims of this tactic start making decisions based not on what they want or need but on what might prevent the next emotional explosion. Just the mere possibility of these threats coming to fruition keeps you locked in an invisible cage. Your personal freedom is no longer as important as keeping the peace.
12. They suffocate you with toxic care.
You’ll know you’ve met a soul-crushing person when they come to you armed with good intentions–-yet leave devastation once they’ve left. They have a particular brand of “love” that’s anything but. It’s restrictive, suffocating, and impossible to escape. Each time you try to fight back, they’ll tell you, “I’m only doing this because I care.”
They’ll subtly violate your personal space and autonomy at first by seeming like they’re concerned. Each time they cross a boundary, they’ll tell you it’s because they’re doing it to help you. The result? You’re held captive under the guise of “love” and “protection.”
13. They always create drama.
Under their influence, the most harmless situation becomes a dramatic event, and even everyday things become works of Shakespeare. Any minor inconvenience is a major catastrophe for them, and it requires immediate attention. Their emotional theatrics would put most actors to shame.
Each emergency follows a predictable pattern—it happens just as the focus starts to move away from them. They’ll demand you respond to their drama with your full attention because “woe is me.” Soon enough, you’re sucked in, and helping becomes a full-time job.
