Friends—you’re supposed to love them…
…but what happens when you don’t?
What if you can’t stand your friends anymore? Are they still your friends? Should they be?
Life would be far less fun without friendships. These are the people closest to you. They are your most important loved ones aside from your family members. You’re supposed to care about them.
And maybe you did care…once, but now you just can’t deal with them.
What happens when your friends start to annoy you and you even start to dislike them? What’s causing this, and how should you handle it?
Well, let’s find out.
20 Reasons Why You Hate Your Friends
There are many reasons why someone could start disliking their friends or even hating them. Here are some of the common ones:
1. You can’t forgive them for hurting you.
Maybe your friends did something to hurt you. They betrayed your trust, hurt your feelings, ignored you, talked behind your back, or put you down in public.
Yes, friends can be mean sometimes.
Whatever they did, it really hurt you, and you probably didn’t see it coming—you expected more from them.
Still, you chose to forgive them for what they did and move on with your friendship.
Turns out, that is much easier said than done. Even though you tried to forgive your friend, you still hate them for what they did. You can’t let go of this resentment.
It is especially difficult if your friend(s) never apologized or tried to make up for what they did.
In that case, maybe you should reconsider the friendship.
2. You’ve grown apart.
Friends grow apart. It happens.
You outgrow them, or they outgrow you, one of you moves away, or you simply communicate less and less until you stop completely for no apparent reason.
You probably took different paths in life, and that’s okay. This happens all the time, especially after big changes like finishing high school or college.
You think you’ll stay friends, but you slowly become more and more distant until you stop getting in touch at all.
Nothing bad happened between you, you’re just going your separate ways. Maybe you don’t hate your friends, but you hate that you and they didn’t try harder to maintain the friendship. It hurts to see it dissolve like it has.
3. You’ve changed, or they have.
People change. Maybe your friends are not the same people they were when you first met, or you’re the one who has changed over time.
For instance, you are no longer interested in talking about some topics that you used to discuss with them. Your interests might have changed with time as well.
People might outgrow friends because their circumstances and interests change. Your lifestyles or location could have changed too. Even your place in life could be different.
For instance, while you used to love talking about dating with your single friend, now you want to talk about your newborn baby, while they’re still obsessed with finding The One.
There’s nothing wrong with talking about babies or dates, but when you don’t want to talk about the same thing anymore, you could end up sitting in awkward silence.
Maybe you hate your friend because they’ve changed, they don’t want to talk about the same things with you anymore, or you disapprove of their lifestyle.
4. You’re not compatible enough.
What if you are just too different? This could happen even if you had a lot in common before.
Maybe your interests don’t match anymore and that is what drove you apart. You could hate your friends because they don’t want to engage in the same hobby as you anymore.
For instance, maybe you met someone in dance lessons and figured you’d be friends forever. Now that the dance lessons are over, you lost touch, and you hate them because of it.
You could also be friends with someone and hang out with them but still hate them because you’re not compatible anymore, if you ever were. Maybe you simply disagree about important things and frequently get into arguments.
5. They are a bad influence on you.
It makes sense to hate someone who’s pressuring you to make bad decisions. Maybe you see your friends as a bad influence.
This could mean that you always do bad or stupid stuff with them because of peer pressure, but it could also mean that you see them as a distraction from what you really want to do.
Maybe they drink too much or do drugs, but they could also be simply inviting you to parties all the time while you need to stay home and study or work. All in all, they are looking for trouble, and you don’t want to get in trouble because of them anymore.
6. You noticed some dealbreakers.
As you’ve gotten to know them better, you may have realized that you really dislike some of their personality traits.
Maybe there are even some dealbreakers such as being overly manipulative or narcissistic.
You didn’t notice these things before, or you didn’t pay that much attention to them, but now you see them as valid reasons to dislike your friends.
Maybe you were friends since high school, and they’re the same people that they were back then, but you’ve left all that behind you. You could also have new dealbreakers that didn’t bother you before, but now make you run for the hills.
7. You spend too much time with them.
When you spend a lot of time with one person (or one group of friends), it can become exhausting and overwhelming.
Even if this person is your friend, spending all of your free time with them could make you feel like they’re annoying and/or boring.
In addition, spending a lot of time with someone means that you start noticing more things about them that you didn’t notice at first.
So, it could turn out that your friend has some personality traits that you hate, or you hate them because you don’t agree with some of their choices.
You can learn a lot about a person when you spend extended amounts of time with them, and maybe you don’t like what you’ve uncovered.
Plus, you might consider your friend needy and clingy for wanting to hang out so often.
8. You’re jealous of them.
Have your friends started bonding with new friends? You could be jealous of the attention that they give to new people in their life instead of to you.
However, you could also be jealous because they are more successful than you or their love life puts yours to shame. You hate them because they’re doing better than you.
Maybe your friends are attractive and people often hit on them and ignore you, even if you’re right there. You could be jealous of the attention that your friends get.
On the other hand, you could want your friends all to yourself and hate them for spending more time with their new friends.
9. They’re jealous of you.
On the flip side, your friends could be jealous of your success or envy you for your good looks and charm.
Maybe they can’t be happy for your success because they’re jealous of your achievements. They could also be jealous if you give much more attention to your partner than to them.
Most of the time though, people envy your success. And those who can’t celebrate your success with you aren’t really your friends. Let go of a friend who can’t be there for you in the good times just like in the bad.
People often appreciate those who help them when they’re down, but it’s also important to value those who can be happy for you. Your friends can’t, and that might be why you hate them.
10. You feel like they’re taking advantage of you.
Your friends could be using you. This means that they’re not your true friends.
It’s pretty easy to spot a fake friend. After all, they will only show up in your life when they need something from you, whether it’s a helping hand, advice, or money.
Your friends could be using you for other things too. For instance, maybe they use you for your company when they’re bored and no one else is available. They could also use you to get information about other people or to get you to introduce them to someone else.
No wonder you hate them if all they do is take.
11. You think that they’re boring.
Maybe you’ve just gotten bored of your friends. You never do anything new, you always hang out at the same spot, and you talk about the same things. Maybe your friend never wants to party, or all they do is talk about their crush.
Whatever it is that they do or don’t do—you’re tired of it. You don’t enjoy spending time with your friend anymore, and you hate them for being so boring.
Maybe you used to have a lot of fun partying together, but they got married and had a baby. Now they just show you baby pictures and talk about toys while you want to get drunk and hit on strangers. Or perhaps it’s the other way around.
On the other hand, maybe your friends haven’t changed at all since high school. You find them boring for being the same person they were back then and never trying anything new. When you no longer have new experiences together, your friendship falls apart.
12. They gossip about you.
Have you overheard your friends talking behind your back? Maybe they gossip about you, and that is why you hate them.
They could be spreading rumors that aren’t even true or revealing your secrets without your permission. Maybe they simply badmouth you to others instead, but you know that there’s talk going on behind your back.
When friends betray you like this, it can be difficult to share anything with them ever again. After all, you can’t trust them to keep it to themselves.
If you’re unsure whether they’re gossiping about you and want to know what it sounds like when they do, just pay attention to how they talk about other people when they’re with you. Friends who gossip about you will tell you gossip about other friends too.
13. You’re focusing too much on the negative.
Could it be that you are exaggerating some of their flaws? You might be focusing too much on the negative. Instead of seeing what’s good about your friends like you used to, now you only see their negative traits.
You also only remember the negative things that happened between you instead of the times they offered help or advice.
Are things really that bad? Maybe your friends aren’t perfect, but you could be neglecting their positive traits because of something that you noticed.
The point is, don’t focus on their annoying qualities and forget everything that you liked about them.
14. You don’t set clear boundaries.
Maybe you don’t communicate your boundaries clearly and you find it hard to say “no” to your loved ones. So, you frequently find yourself doing things for your friends that you don’t really want to do.
When you do them too many favors, you end up resenting them or even hating them for making you do that.
However, this is not their fault. If you don’t enforce boundaries with people, they will get too comfortable around you and push your limits. So, you could find yourself lending money to a friend who still hasn’t paid you back the last two times.
Your friends might even take advantage of you if you find it hard to set boundaries with them. But if you’ve never said “no,” then you can’t blame them.
15. You sabotage your relationships.
Maybe you had bad past experiences with friends that left you with trust issues. Perhaps you don’t hate your friends, you are just repeating old patterns and causing your relationships to fail. You dislike them because you never really gave them a chance.
You could be sabotaging your friendships because you don’t want to work on them, or you hate your friends because they don’t want to put any effort into your friendship.
Either way, you don’t have open and honest communication with your friends, and that could be the biggest problem that you’re facing with them.
Maybe you were hurt before, and you’re protecting yourself by causing your friendships to end. If you end up hating all of the people that you befriend, the problem might be you and not them. You could work on this with a therapist to form healthier relationships in the future.
16. You don’t agree on important matters.
What if your core values don’t align? Maybe your work and your family are the most important things to you, while your friend wants to travel and engage in casual hookups. Perhaps you don’t approve of their lifestyle, or it’s too different from yours.
In the end, maybe you thought that your friend was a great person, but they’re actually the type that is rude to waiters and asks to see the manager about the tiniest inconvenience.
It could be something small or something huge, but ultimately, it’s a big difference between you and your friends, and you can’t get past it.
Maybe you even fight about politics or strongly disagree over religious beliefs. Whatever it is, it is driving you apart and might mean that you’re too different to stay friends.
17. They only think about themselves.
Are your friends narcissistic? Maybe they only think about themselves and they’re self-centered, selfish, and egotistical.
All they do is talk about themselves and they never really show interest in your life. Everything has to be on their terms too. So, you will meet only at the places that they like and talk only about the things that interest them.
They can turn any conversation into a discussion about themselves. It’s like they just love to hear their own voice instead of listening to what the other person has to say. They will switch the topic of conversation onto them and they’ll demand your full attention, while frequently interrupting you when you talk.
Their problems and achievements are always the biggest ones. You feel like you’re in a one-way friendship where they don’t reciprocate your feelings and efforts. It’s like they only love themselves, and no one else can compare.
18. They are too needy.
Does your friend constantly call you and want to hang out 24/7? Maybe you hate them because they seem desperate, needy, and clingy.
They are annoying you with constant messages and want to spend all their free time with you. Your friendship has started to drain you, and you feel like your needy friends take up all your time and energy.
Do they get in touch with you every day? Do you regularly see each other more than twice a week? Then your friends might be needy, and it could be the reason why you hate them.
However, this again has to do with boundaries, and if you set them right, your friends should respect them. Your friends don’t respect you if they don’t also respect your time.
19. They don’t treat you well.
Most importantly, how do your friends treat you? If they are mean to you, put you down in public, gossip about you, and use you, then why are you even friends with them?
You may have a valid excuse to hate your friends. After all, if they don’t treat you well, they’re not really your friends.
Maybe they always give you bad advice or get you in trouble. Perhaps they badmouth you to others when you’re not around or can’t be happy for you out of jealousy. If this is the case, you might want to reconsider being friends with them.
20. You hate everything lately.
On the other hand, this could be entirely about you and not about your friends.
When friends let you down, it makes sense to have negative feelings toward them, but did they really let you down?
Maybe you’re just in a bad mood or under a lot of stress lately, so you hate everything and everybody.
Everything annoys you, even the people that you most frequently hang out with—your friends. You hate them because you’re generally unhappy with your life. Maybe you even hate them because they’re happy with their lives.
If nothing you’ve read about so far sounds like the explanation for what you feel, it could be a product of depression, stress, or anxiety. So, you don’t really hate your friends, you’re just in a dark place right now and everything looks bad from where you’re standing.
10 Things You Can Do About It
Now that you know why hate your friends, what should you do about it? Here are some of the things that you could try:
1. Adjust your friendships to suit your current needs.
So, why do you hate your friends? Maybe you just hate the way your friendship works right now. Perhaps you need to forgive your friends for hurting you so that you can move on. Maybe you need to end some friendships because they’re not treating you well.
On the other hand, maybe you’ve just outgrown your friends, or you’ve changed. It’s okay if a friendship that once worked for you no longer does.
What kind of friendships do you need right now? Think about what you want out of a friendship and what would describe a friend you love instead of hate.
Maybe some changes would make your friendship better. You could talk to your friend about what you need from them to overcome this. Maybe it’s a change in their behavior, but it could be as simple as changing the way you spend time.
For instance, you can hang out with some friends only in groups and with some one-on-one.
Maybe you just hate the way your friendship takes up a lot of your time, so you could see your friends less frequently. This is an especially good idea if your friend has started smothering you and you need some room to breathe.
2. Try new things with your friends.
What if your friendship simply became boring? See if you can make things fun again by having new experiences together. Find common ground and maybe even a hobby that you can practice together.
It’s important that you have similar interests, so see if there are some that you are both passionate about. These could be things that you’ve never tried before, so feel free to experiment with different things.
Interests change over time, so don’t worry if you and your friends seem too different now. You can find things that you both enjoy. Try new things together, and it will be a fun process that leads to something in common. Create new happy memories that are going to strengthen your bond and help you care about each other again.
3. Learn to say “no” and set boundaries.
If you always end up doing things that you don’t want to do, then you must learn to say “no” to your friends.
For instance, maybe you are trying to focus on school or work, but your friends keep inviting you to parties and you always end up staying late and running behind on your tasks.
Peer pressure can be powerful, but you must learn to say “no” to people and set clear boundaries. If you’ve never communicated your boundaries to your friends, then it makes sense that they push your limits.
Communicate clearly what you can and can’t tolerate in a friendship. Make sure to also stick to your boundaries and go through with what you threaten with.
So, for example, if you told your friend that you’ll stop talking to them if they betray your trust again, actually cut all contact if they do it, at least for a while.
4. Help your friends understand you better.
Maybe you feel like your friends don’t really get you. If you want to keep being friends with them, help them understand you.
Open up to them and share your thoughts. Talk about the way you feel and let them into your world. If something about them bothers you, find a gentle way to let them know about it.
You should try to understand where they’re coming from too. Try to see things from their point of view, because it could explain why they mistreated you.
Hash things out with them through calm and open communication and be honest with each other about the way you feel.
5. Challenge negative thoughts.
When you start thinking negatively about your friends, ask yourself if your thoughts are even true.
Are they that bad? Do you really hate them? If so, end the friendship.
You might be focusing too much on the negative and seeing everything in black and white. Just because someone does a bad thing doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re a bad person.
Stop yourself from thinking that everyone will betray you if that’s what your friends have done in the past. Remember that true friends do exist.
If you start thinking negatively, challenge your thoughts by asking yourself whether there’s any proof for what you’re thinking.
6. Focus on their positive traits.
What are some of your friend’s positive traits? Remind yourself of every time they were there for you or helped you with something. Think about all the fun moments you shared when you laughed together. Remind yourself of everything you’ve been through together and of all the experiences you’ve shared.
Are things still that bad?
Try to focus on the positive. For instance, maybe your friend is rude to the waiter, but they are kind to you. Maybe they are terrible at keeping secrets, but you have amazing adventures with them. Surely there are things about them that make you want to love them again. If not, consider ending the friendship.
7. Take some distance.
It’s okay to take some distance from your friends until you decide what you want to do. Take all the time and space that you need. Let them know that you require some space, or slowly start distancing yourself from them.
This could be as simple as not initiating contact anymore. You can still talk to them and even see them, but don’t be the first one to initiate anything. Slowly distance yourself by doing this and spending less time with them.
8. See who misses you.
Once you stopped initiating things, did anyone miss you? Did they contact you instead, or did they forget about you entirely? This is worth considering when deciding what to do next.
If you have good friends, they will not only initiate contact, but they’ll also ask you what has been going on so that you can open up to them.
Fake friends won’t notice that you’ve stopped talking, and they’ll get in touch only when they need something.
9. End some friendships.
Are you ready to end some friendship? Let’s face it, you can’t be friends with someone you hate. Unless you overcome this, you will have to end these friendships. Don’t stick to your old crowd purely because you’ve known each other for a long time.
If these friendships no longer work for you, it’s okay to let go and move on. Don’t forget that you can always reconnect with old friends after a while, and sometimes people just need time to process their feelings.
10. Make new friends.
Whether you decide to end these friendships, or not, try to make new friends too. Be open to new people and engage in activities where you can meet people who share your interests and core values.
Start a new hobby or learn something new that interests you. Expand your social circle and only hang out with those you care about.
